Don’t care about anything anmyore

I really don’t care about anything anymore to the point where I no longer care about trying to cheer myself up, or doing anything to make myself comfortable, or happier. To explain a bit about how I got here let me start by saying it’s been a very long time since I have been genuinely happy, and the few times I have been happy it’s for a short time and it’s always followed by way more sadness. I’m 17 now, I finished high school last june, a year younger because I skipped a grade. At high school I had almost no real friends, and there’s nobody from there now that I could consider a real friend. What makes it worse is that it was an all-guys school, so not only do I have no male friends but I barely even know any girls. Growing up, I had no real friends, an abusive father, both my parents focused me solely on school, never any physical activities so I’m scrawny on top of everything else. I always told myself that being unhappy was just temporary and this was just a shitty phase in my life and things would be better when I went to university but that made things even worse. I moved to a school 8 hours away, the only person I knew there was pretty much one of my only friends from high school. I only managed to stay there for a semester though, I have very bad ADD, but despite being diagnosed, my parents wouldn’t get me any medication saying they thought it was bad for me and that I was just faking it and didn’t really need any medication, I was just lazy and needed to work harder. Because of my ADD I find it next to impossible to sit down and do school work which means I always underachieve which is a shame because I feel like I’m actually intelligent if I could find the ability to do the work. Anyways, going to university only made things worse. My mom’s the only person I care about in the world and if being away from her wasn’t hard enough, my dad called and told me that my mom’s dying from high blood pressure. He told me that it’s all my fault, her blood pressures rising because she’s worried about me. At the same time the only girl I’ve ever liked a) hooked up and started dating the so-called friend from high school, and b) started telling me she was depressed and suicidal and needed my help. I still cared about her a lot even though she had literally just broken my heart so I helped her as best as I could as a friend and got her through it. A couple of weeks later in December she breaks up with my old friend and starts seeing me. I told her from the beginning that I loved her but that I was worried because she really could hurt me, but I cared so much I trusted her and opened myself up to her again. Now during this entire process, I also started smoking weed daily, it became one of the only things that could relax me and help take away some of my depression. By Christmas time, because of all the anxiety, depression, ADD, and a whole host of other problems I had failed 2 of my 5 courses. My parents pulled me out of school on January the 5th. I had to move back in with my parents, of course, my parents blamed me, and the weed for me failing and even kicked me out of the house for 3 weeks. I spent most of the time at a friends house (also no longer a friend, and he was literally the last one I had). I moved back in with my parents house after spending 3 days living homeless. During these 3 weeks I needed to steal from grocery store’s just to have something to eat, otherwise I’d have literally starved. I only moved back in with my parents house after I got caught stealing from a store and the police called them for me. Suicide’s something that I’ve thought about my entire life. When I was younger it used to be once or twice a year, but the frequency of the thoughts have been increasing constantly, and ever since my parents pulled me out of school there hasn’t been a single day I haven’t thought about just killing myself to end all this shit. I feel like my life’s useless and a waste of time, I don’t see anything ever going right for me. Of course the girl I cared about dumped me after I had to move 8 hours a day, but if that wasn’t hard enough today she started fucking with my head even more texting me telling me she misses me and shit like that. I’m just so tired of living now, I literally don’t care about anything, going back to school, getting back with her, getting a job, I don’t give a shit about any of it. I have no motivation, nothing I care about, it’s all meaningless to me, there isn’t anything I value and even though I want there to be somebody that I could care about deeply there really isn’t, I’m that lonely.