looking after myself, please do the same.

It’s after midnight and I just made myself a promise.
I promise to treat myself well. I promise to forgive myself and love myself and hold myself together when all I want to do is fall apart. I promise to support myself and believe in myself and remind myself that I can honestly do anything, provided I am prepared to work for it. I promise to convince myself that I am strong and that I am brave and that even though I make big mistakes, even though I sometimes fall down and end up at the beginning again, I will be okay and that I am not a failure. I promise to look after myself and to stop punishing myself whether it is my fault or not. I promise to remind myself that if I can get back up and carry on trying, then things will be alright, that I can make everything alright because I am strong and I am capable. Above all, I promise to tell myself that I am worthy and that I am not stupid or pathetic or cruel or useless, that I am capable and that I can still do things and make decisions and carry on trying, that I do have the capacity to find the good in the bad and the beauty in the ugly, and I will help myself find that when I need help.
It’s just that I realised how cruel I have been being to myself, how I truly am my own bully and that my perceptions on everything are a bit skewed. I realised that instead of waiting for an imaginary person to appear and take care of me, I am fully capable of taking care of myself, of looking after and protecting myself, of reminding myself that it will all be alright and that I am not as broken as I always seem to think I am. I am fixable and I am capable of fixing myself up. It will all be alright because I have myself and that is enough, it is enough to be able to hold my own hand and remind myself that the world isn’t such a bad place and I am not such a bad person. It is okay to put my trust into myself and believe in myself. I will be okay and I will make sure of that. Everything is going to be alright, I just have to let myself believe that even when everything feels broken and scary and dark. Nothing is as bad as it seems and everything will be alright as long as I take care of myself and sometimes lift myself off the ground when it all gets to be too much. I must stop being my own bully and instead be my own angel.
It will be alright and I will make sure of it.