Tackle this feeling.

A quote of the day that saved me, “Get a handle of anxiety before you deal with everything.” This is where I struggle. It only saved me for a moment but I’m afraid I’m going to approach another day where I build up stress in trying or wanting to discover my identity. I want to know who I am. But it seems that killing yourself is an easier way. At first I would visit a school counselor starting 7th grade. Until junior year I started to have suicide thoughts. My first plan was to die peacefully by drowning in the pool With a 30 lb. weight dragged behind. Now I image myself lying in bed as a coffin catching some sleep from overdosing sleeping pills and having headphones over my ears for I will be listening to the song that my love dedicated to me. A sweet guitar solo melody that you will never know. I’m a senior now and I don’t see my school counselor since she moved. I told my sister about this and oat first I thought it would prevent me to ever think like this but it didn’t. I told my mom and somehow it made it worst. From the beginning I never felt like I had support from her. I call suicide hotlines but repeating the same story over and over again is tiring. I told my boyfriend but now I prevent myself in telling any futher new stories because I’m afraid I might lose him and he may get wrong impression that I’m not happy with him. So now I ask for a real friend who I can talk and call any time because I truly need help. I’m trying to find a reason to live and all that saves me is a bucket list before my death. Such as skydiving this year 2013 on march 17. Please help me..