I’ve been struggling with the thought of suicide my entire life, although there will be times were I can distract myself and be “happy”  and just try to forget those thoughts they always have a way of creeping back up on me. When this feeling does come back it always hurts worse than the last time, I always become weaker, I feel like I should become stronger but my life is somewhat moving backwards instead of forwards, and it has always been this way. Suicide is a scary thought, I know. It is scary that your life has gotten to the point where you are so unhappy with everything you just want to rid of yourself. When I think about it, I cry for hours on end wondering how it got this bad to begin with. Finally, with the thought of suicide ALWAYS coming up in my life I’m starting to feel content with not being around anymore. I do think about my family even though my family is really only two people. I know that it will hurt them but they will move on and my pain of being alive will no longer be here. When I was younger I was actually taken to a mental hospital before for an attempt of suicide, I can’t really say if it helped or not but I guess if I’m writing this right now all I can say is it hasn’t. Now, I wish suicide was easy as we think, but when we really think about it how easy actually is it? It’s not. It’s a hard life decision and it hurts and sometimes could even be painful. I realize this. I wish it was as easy as just saying “please let me die in my sleep and feel no pain”. But no, it will never be that easy.
I think the thing that scares me the most is the way of going out of this world. I don’t want to bleed, I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to be rushed to the hospital and have someone save me. I just want to go peacefully. So after researching and thinking of “ways to go”. Me being depressed I hardly eat as it is, I eat maybe once a day if I can. So maybe this option will work for me? I also find it comforting with the fact that maybe I can change my mind and I have a few days to decide, you know its not so irrational it doesn’t have to happen right that second! I don’t know though, has anyone tried this?
6 comments
I didn’t know that, I saw other post similar and thought there wouldn’t be a problem.
I’m not really asking for any methods just how this worked for anyone.
Maybe the name should be changed. Because it’s miss leading. People come here to talk about suicide. This should include method’s. Call it sad- chat. Will not be so popular. This site is not what it was.
Is this better? I’m guess I’m not really sure what’s okay on this site and what is not…
coremuch I think you can’t talk about method’s inside the post. I do. The Moderator name is Strontium. He didn’t make this site. Just a power freak. I’m sorry you feel suicidal. But would be painfull.
depressed is a illness so why not give a Dr or counsellor a go.
how can we discuss the concept of depression, illness, suicide etc without expressing our thoughts….suicidal thoughts, ideations are by nature concepts…..jump in trains, hanging, gassing….and the thoughts towards this dark tunnel are just that.,….so….how can a kid, be moderated, on a suicide site for saying…im thinking of ways to kill myself..including…starving to death……which FYI would take weeks, and be simply impossible as the bodies desire to live…..outweighs almost all attempts to kills it…simply…you would end up grabbing a burger….;)
Starving and dehydration are painful ways to die actually. You will probably change your mind because it’s horrible to put up with. Hey, anorexic people who die have the hardest time living with it for God’s sake!
I really hope in vane that things get better (no offense), I always have vane hopes that never come to fruition. Let’s hope your life gets better, but truthfully, you should do what makes your life happy. No polint living with misery every day.