So I’m not going to bother you too much with this.
But I want to die because I have no purpose here any more.
This is because:
- I feel worthless and alone. There is no-one who cares, no-one who wants me. I could see people celebrating my death.
- I am a coward so I want to take the easy escape route away from my horrible feelings. Ironically, I am just too cowardly to even go through with suicide. Hopefully this will change.
- I have been abused all my life by my fucking dad. That’s right. I hate him so fucking much, and what’s worse is I am too chicken to tell him that. He has put me through A LOT. He has physically abused me by dragging me by my hair and slapping me round the face, and emotionally abused me by asking me to ‘top myself’ and threatening to kill me himself many times.
- I am trying to run away from so many horrible memories. For starters I closely escaped a rape incident when I was only 13, and was nearly diagnosed with colon cancer 2 years ago. Absolute shit. I wish it had happened now.
- A girl who was once a friend bullied me and told me to jump off a bridge in order to make her life less miserable. I mean, hell, if people are always telling me to die, then I deserve it don’t I?
- I am overly addicted to self harming. I cut, pull my hair out, scratch, strangle, neglect and bite myself.
- I already had a friend who I rarely talked to who committed suicide (mind you I only found this out in October last year when she died in January) and my best friend who died from cancer the day she was supposed to be getting her new leg, and my boyfriend who could be diagnosed with cancer any day now. If not that then there’s a chance he could get killed himself or end up taking poisons to commit suicide judging from the kind of people he hangs around with (even though I ask him to avoid them).
So please please PLEASE tell me now that I should be worthy enough to die. So much shit happens, usually shit that I can’t fix. I’ve had E.N.O.U.G.H.
I am FED UP of dealing with my emotional pain and having it burn up inside. I just want to die, is that too much to ask? I have already tried to hang myself today but the fucking hanger snapped that I was using as soon as I let go, which caused me to hit my head on the ground.
I’m sorry I had to bore you with all of that.
4 comments
I’m sorry for your pain, these things are sent to challenge us in the harshest of ways. When suicidal feelings invade your mind. Sit, think, re-think, then put off whatever you feel like doing until tomorrow.
You need to be around for your boyfriend, imagine his pain of being diagnosed either positive or negative? If you weren’t there for him, either to celebrate or as a shoulder to cry on.
Hi. I’m so sorry to hear that you are suffering so badly right now. You really have a lot to deal with. Your dad sounds like a really abusive jerk. But don’t listen to his negativity. Hun, it just isn’t your time to die yet. You need to get help. We all have to die eventually, but why rush things? Don’t give up.
I don’t think that I have the emotional fortitude to deal with life’s challenges.
Regardless of your ultimate decision on whether to live or to die……I want u to know I care for you & I truly do wish you nothing but the best. I hope we met one day in time on a different plan where there’s no more hurt & sorrow
Travel Well My Friend
Hi, thanks all of you. I don’t know what to say, this place is full of such kind people.
I suppose I just feel like it’s my time. I’m always saying I’ve done this stuff, so isn’t it about time that I should? I…just don’t know. Part of me wants to stay, then the other side of that part is almost scared to stay.
It’s like, I’m too scared to die, and too scared to live. So, what do I do?