I’m so alone. I’m constantly trying to find a reason to stay, a talent, a person who cares, or even a sign. I’m willing to believe anything at this point. There’s something wrong with me, I know there is. I feel as if I’m a compulsive liar who is just hungry for attention. At this point, I don’t want attention. I don’t want pity. I don’t have the problems everyone always assumes you have  to be sad about and I think that’s why I feel like this sadness is all in my head. I have every reason to be happy they say, even though to me I have every reason to be sad. All I can think about is how fat I am, how I can’t eat, how I can’t spend my money and how I can’t be who I really am. People are mad, really mad. There’s a pack of people I used to talk to a lot and I stopped going near them and they all hate me now. They’re making everything difficult. There are more reasons for me to go then to stay. If I stay I’ll constantly be in pain, high school is hell and I still have 3 years left. That’s not even counting the years and hard work it’ll take me to finally be done with education. There’s all the pain of structure, organization and dealing with problems. I can’t deal with problems, I’m too exhausted to deal with anything. I’m failing school, overweight and unhealthy from a messed up metabolism from not eating or eating too much. I’m messing everything up and I can’t fix the mess I’ve made. I have incredibly bad OCD, I have panic attacks more than every day and I can’t focus on anything. My parents have high expectations for me, I need to be a doctor apparently. I want to be successful, I really do, but I can’t deal with all of the work I need to put in. It’s all too much stress. Reasons I have to stay are I have friends who need me, my brother and dad  need me, but they could survive without me. My mom can go to hell for all I care. Mainly my Dad is the only reason I’m even writing this, maybe someone can help, give me something to live for. A cry for help. Pathetic really, this is my last hope though, nothing for me after this.
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@3times3 You’re not pathetic for crying for help! I know highschool can be hell… For many people it’s the worst period of their lives. I know it was for me too… I’m sorry you’re going through so much… But… did you know that Jehovah God promised, in the Bible, that He will soon bring a world where all the things that make us suffer today will be gone? 🙂 Think about it… a world without violence, diseases, pain… even without death! What do you think of such a promise? Would you like to see it come true? 🙂
Of course I would love to see that come true but that doesn’t really seem like an option for me right now. I’m not really religious at all, although I respect where you’re coming from.
@3times3 Well… it doesn’t matter that you’re not religious at all… God wants all people to get to know him… The Bible clearly talks about the promise of eternal life and what’s requiered to attain it: “This means everlasting life, their taking in knowledge of you, the only true God, and of the one whom you sent forth, Jesus Christ.” (John 17:3) So you see… God asks of us to try and get to know him, to learn about him, in order to have everlasting life! And that possibility is open to each human being! 🙂 What do you say? Do you want to find out more about God and how we can draw close to him?
They keep telling me to exercise. After over a year of being too depresed, I am planning to workout twice next week. That’s how we do. We do what we can. Fitness is not too hard. I think I’ve read that the rule of thumb is to get our heart rate at about 100 beats per minute, for 20 minutes each day.
Diet is important. They jam sugar and corn syrup into a lot of foods these days (to sell more products) even snack chips. Sugars are rarely found in nature: usually just in fruits and honey. Sugars cause more of what we eat to be stored as body fat, they give us a crash, diabetes (misery) and an early death.
A bit of weight lifting is good too. Every ounce of muscle mass we have is constantly burning calories, even at rest. Anyway (as you might’ve guessed) my suggestion is to invest 5 minutes tomorrow in exercising. Take turns doing aerobic / weights add 1 minute each time until you get up to 30 minutes per day of exercise. That, and avoid sugars like the plague.