Just so lost

I’m 24 years old. I went straight through school into uni then into full time work. I work in mental health, and spend all day every day helping people as much as I can. I love my work but always know I’m a hypocrite, as I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 7.  I get treatment and continue to take medication, but obviously there are ups and downs.

my first relationship  was 18 months long, and I spent most of it being told what to do, including changes I needed to make to my personality and appearance for him to love me. When that ended, I spiralled down – self harming, planning suicide, self-destructive behaviour. I’d had all those thoughts before, but I just got to the point where I couldn’t take it any more.  My friends an family got me through.

ive been with my current boyfriend 2 years. I love him so much, but I worry that I’m more interested in keeping the relationship than he is. For the past couple of months things have been a bit off between us. We’ve finally spoken about it for the past couple of weeks. He says I’m too dependent, don’t do enough with my time. I try to give him his freedom and privacy so I don’t intrude on his interests, but then he gets upset that I don’t “make the effort” to get involved. I don’t know what to do, it sounds like he wants to end it and that makes me so sad. I’m very socially anxious so don’t have many friends, and the onesi do have are always off busy doing their own thing. I’m getting involved in so,e volunteering but I just feel directionless and like I have nothing to offer.

i don’t even know what I wanted to get from positing this. Maybe just some advice on what to do.