Everyone needs someone at some point or the other. Who will make sure they are okay. That they are not falling apart. Someone who can hear all the heart has to say. Not to give solutions, but only to hear, to feel what’s going on inside you.
I have waited for long. And so many times I heard voices. Shadows looming up. Hope starts knocking. Yet I have accepted being empty handed. Empty then, empty now.
Sometimes, work absorbs me. Or else, I try to forget myself in others’ lives. Anything, but to feed that hope. It is a mirage. I know. But I too have my bad days. When hope is not the word I want to look up for. When smiling is just hypocrisy. Suicide comes calling. Death seems welcome. Pain, hurt and loneliness cuddle me up.They become my reality.
I just look back and see nothing. That is where I break. Nothing?? I lived all these years. Fought each night to keep myself alive. To somehow pass from sunup to sundown. What happened? What went wrong? Why did no one ever bother even? So many questions…no answers.
My death is out there. Calling me every night. I hear it. Still I wait. Maybe, if I wait enough, someday that someone will turn up. To sit beside me, to hear me out. No questions…no answers… – SQ
3 comments
Don’t give in to it!!!! Your life clearly means something to many people. Even though you can’t see it, all those people who your forget yourself for value you and they know what an impact you’ve had. Ask them for some help in return, there is no harm in that.
I wish my life meant so much as you are saying. Only one close enough is a sister. She cares I know. She is one of the reasons have not put the knife to use yet. She has her own life. own priorities.
Its been a long time for me moving around trying to fit in.
I don’t know why, but even friendship doesn’t work for me. Maybe I don’t let anyone come close enough. I am afraid of being rejected again & again. How much more am I supposed to wait? How many times do I have to try?
that’s what i think the biggest problem is, we can never actually know. With life it’s always waiting for answers and never knowing when they’ll come or if they will. The problem is we as people can’t always see the bigger picture going on around us. I just stopped caring, and that’s what helped me 🙂 I stopped caring about myself and what others think of me, and ended up letting everyone around me into my life. Now everyone knows everything about me and I’ve never felt more loved. A moment will come and you’ll just know, I just hope for you it comes soon 🙂 x