im lonely and im desperate for any kind of affection or attention
I just feel stuck and disconnected from everything and I just want to talk to someone but there’s nobody here for me to talk to
it feels like I’m just a bother to people
I wish I was loved like those perfect girls
alone
this was a draft i wrote when i first joined and didnt post. I think it’s still true now. Everyone is feeling much more distant though. It’s my own fault.
I love you, some days
Some days I wake up so full of love but just as dysfunctional.
I want to tell everyone I let persuade might actually like me that I love them and to thank them for being there for me all these years through my computer screen. I love them so much. Thank you for being here. I don’t deserve it but thank you.
On these days I feel like I could almost do anything […]
Ever since I can remember, I’ve had problems making and keeping friends. ive felt so lonely recently, and i feel like no one can help me, no one wants to help me
It’s slam poetry, so it’s better if I say it, but here it is
“is there a feeling that takes over you?
is there a feeling that just feels so… huge?
like a mountain of problems, of “oh, you’ll be fine”, of no way to solve ’em, and confusing your mind.
is there a feeling like that, makes you feel oh so flat.
makes you feel numb, feel defeated,
makes you feel that you were cheated.
by those who promised you’ll be […]
It’s been a while since I have come on here. And yes, I’m looking for advice.
I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow for medication, although I’m wondering, will everything go back to square one, or will the truth come out? According to my psychologist, I have been doing fine for the past year, although did she really ever know me? I never told her how I really felt; I’m a coward, I already know, but what can one do when everyone around them is untrustworthy? Should I have told her how I felt? Should I have told her my plans for July? Should I have told […]
Looking to golden lights, disoriented by gossamer affection
You never loved me- lie no more. Leave me or love me, I shan’t stand for your façade any longer. I see truth, I knew from the genesis of your sin, it held no virtues.
You called my light delusion, and you called my patience an unchecked ego. When I spoke clearly at last, your shell crumbled, you held no quarter to the lies before which you had brought forth against me. You say it “I love you not, I care nothing for you however you shall live.” And so it was laid plain.
The playlists abounded, the only things left besides the journals upon journals, notepads chock-full
Nothing makes me feel anything anymore. The only thing I can do now is create a character with horrid backstories of abuse. Why? I don’t know. Whenever I feel upset… “wow, well *insert character* had to live through that… my life is great.” Basically just gaslight myself with the characters. Haha. I want to die. There’s no reason, really. Not that I know of, atleast. Nobody let’s me talk. I cannot talk. For if I say a single word about what’s been kept inside foe so long I will be sent to a mental prison they call a hospital! Everything I do is being watched! […]
I just really need someone to hug, at the very least. There is nobody there though, I’m all alone, isn’t that funny?
Isn’t it funny when you’re alone yet surrounded by people? Isn’t it funny when everyone’s looking at you yet they can’t see you? Isn’t it funny when you’re drowning in a croud?
When everyone can save you but nobody does?
Nodoby knows?
Nobody even notices?
Please, notice. Someone, please. See me. Please… I don’t want to die just yet. Anyone? But they don’t hear me.
Is it me or is it them?
Do I exist? Do I matter in this world or am I just another object in your […]
This is just my quick summary rant of my wanting to die, yes I know what I’ve written is long and messy but believe me I have left out a lot of details, this really is a summary and I just need to let it out, any comments even if mean are appreciated, I can’t let anyone know what I’m planning so being able to be open like this makes me feel just a tiny bit better
Was diagnosed with depression in middle school, my mother is agoraphobia so since middle school I’ve had to shop for her, take care of her and the house, I […]
I didn’t leave him, my husband that is uts been so long since my last post and I’m still here. Same stupid crap same relationship. When I told him I was leaving he promised things would change and they did. He started treating me right and being more loving and supportive towards me. All the lies I held came to light and he swept them under the rug. I rely thought I was going to be happy, I really thought things would have changed but maybe I can’t change, maybe I’m not allowed to be happy. I really just want to die now more then […]
I planned to end it a couple years ago when I was in high school , but now i’ve graduated from college and started University. Everyday, at the back of my head, I struggle to imagine a future for myself because I feel like i’m way below average and I won’t be able to make it in the working world. I choke on my words when talking to anyone I’m not close with and I feel like a social failure. My thoughts of ending it were harsher than they were now but I still dream of dying everyday.
My life is actually not bad but I […]
Ever let the anxiety sink ,the rage boil up
Ferment the pain, and bottle it up
Reflecting on the past like it ain’t slow enough
Mom’s always sad that I ain’t growing up
Pills help me cope but I’m still fucking up
Fuck going outside, the moon aint show enough
I laugh about death like I ain’t dark enough?
Friends ran away? I guess they stalked enough?
Fam patient with my death like who’s taking what?
keep a sharp angle, latitudes of my cuts
Force you to be strong like you ain’t had enough
have the nerve to ask what’s wrong…
God ain’t fucking […]
A few months ago, I’ve had the unique experience of experiencing time dilation first-hand.
I had tried smoking pot a couple times last year, to alleviate the anxiety I feel. It seemed like a good idea because I know other people who use it for just that – and they seemed happy with the results. The first time I successfully got high was pretty good too, so I continued.
That was, until late November of last year, I experienced hell. I experienced the ironic testament that spit in the face of all the cautionary tales I had told myself about immortality, and how it would be a […]
I’ve completely broken down this time. It’s like no matter how hard I try, it ends in failure and more agony. I thought this damn time, I could finally recover my health…hah, what a joke! At the same time, what did I expect? I feel dead inside, don’t give a shit about my future, not to mention my health is like this because of being self destructive from wanting to die.
I have no one except for my family, the very one that plays a big part in why I struggled so hard to not hate myself. I feel a little bad about writing […]
when i used to self harm i used to hit my head a lot, i didnt think of it that much back then but now i see the result. probably any type of self harm is better than hitting ur head, i suffer from memory loss, but no one would probably believe me, i dont even remember basic stuff such as what happened the day before, what somebody told me or things that i did, i may sound dramatic but its worse than it sounds. i dont remember how i started it but i did it everytime my mom was bitching about smth that ive […]
By: yours truly (a sick in the head teenager)
TW ig idk how to do this lol um sh suicidal thought and questioning everything and also SA
Why? A question I find myself asking quite often. What is the point in anything if its all nothing. In 150 years, everyone who is alive at this moment, will be dead. Including yours truly. Though it is up to us how we spend those years. A sad realization my 13 year old self has come to is, in lets say 500 years, no one will know of my existence and probably yours as well. Unless of course you […]
I hate everyone
I hate everything
Why am I called a coward for wanting to end my suffering?
Why does my pain not matter to anyone?
Why doesn’t anyone understand?
Why do I hate life so much?
Why does life hate me?
Why can’t I catch a fucking break?
What’s it gonna take?
Where’s God?
Why isn’t he helping?
Will they finally understand after I die?
Will God understand?
Is God real?
It’s like a stone in the pit of my stomach
I can’t get rid of it
The tears
The pain
The immense sadness that no one sees
FUCK
All i wanted […]
not to sound like a broken record, but man have these past few weeks been hard. i don’t even know what to type, even though i know i want to get things off my chest; it’s annoying. finding things to keep my brain busy, or else i might just lose the small amount of sanity i have left. besides, classes start again next week. i don’t know what to think, or what i need or crave. actually, now that i’m actively trying to think, i don’t really feel anything; it’s a bit like being self aware while asleep. i feel scripted.
today’s been rough. not sure why, honestly, it’s just been a hard day
i’m pretty frustrated with myself; kinda want attention but also i don’t want to inconvenience people by asking for it. eh, i don’t know
rough couple of days