I’m not alone. I have a wonderful boyfriend he treats me right. I’m so lucky I have him I was so close and now I have something to live for. I do not deserve him. He puts up with so much. I can’t help but push him away but he always comes back and holds me when I can’t breathe. I really thought that if I knew what it felt like to be cared about all of this mess in my head would go away I was wrong. I still feel so disconnected and hurt all the time. I still wish I was dead. I still think about suicide everyday.
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2 comments
You seem insightful. You’re absolutely right; no person can take away all the pain you have no matter how loving and patient they are. Trust me, I’ve had many relationships and in time, I always begin pushing that person away until they’ve had enough. I know it’s hard, but learn from my mistakes: don’t place your whole world around your boyfriend. It will only dissapoint you and frustrate him because he can’t alleviate your pain.
It’s very difficult but try going out into the world, taking risks, making new memories and use your relationship as support rather than a crutch. (Support is a handrail on a flight of stairs or a sweater on a cold day; it is a momentary strength while a crutch is for constant support and without one cannot walk.)
xoxo
It’s very hard for me to go out into the world I have social anxiety. I have very bad back pains for this I tense up I don’t mean to I don’t even know I do it.