well it’s about time almost a year since it started…

this god damn depression began 1 april 2012 , first it was hypochondria and big stress about health issues but than it evolved into something more sinister than I expected – depression . In june 1st i stopped feeling anything at all I began to feel empty , stopped going out with friends I played all thay long games at the PC , and some of my friends stopped calling me… Than after 2 months playing games 15hr/day I looked at the mirror at my skinny body, pale skin , and thought what the fuck is happened this psychosis destroyed me. I’ve lost some of my friends , dropped from college , because I couldn’t look people in the eye I was ashamed of myself. Some of my friends asked me multiple times what’s going on they saw my long hair my skinny body , my poor diet and black spot and droopy eyes… Why I stopped go to the gym like before, I destroyed my diet and sleep regimen that i was talking all about when I was normal… Now people who don’t know me think im drug addict , I don’t leave my house , before I had many friends my social skill was concidered very good , people laughed at my jokes , I liked competitions and stuff to be outside all day, now  I can’t believe myself , a fucking outcast and powerless to fight for what was mine – Ive lost will to live , and I still got hypochondria – neverending citcle of  suicidal thoughts Even my girlfriend left me because she had enough of that not going out all day shit… My parents still think  I go to college but the money for it are here in one box hidden, Im not that kind of person to steal it… What could I do, that depression destroyed my dreams and goals and now is almost whole year since it started in 1april 2012 … I think I’ll end it 1st of april… Now I see what I am , I can encourage people to give their best , but when it comes to myself  there is no will to continue this nightmare. At night I even started dreaming past times with my girlfriend and the friends that I left because of my depression, my little sister told me that a couple of them though that I was studying abroad since they had never saw me out since march 2012… I am a prisoner of my house /room I eat only sweet garbage that I hated when I workedout , but now don’t care I want to just rott inside… Soulless human being…I am going to give my spendings and pc to my sister the other stuff that is precious to my friends the ones who stayed and the ones who left because I stopped calling them… Peace , I hope u all fing slavation from this hellish thoughts… I think I had enough there is nothing left of the past person that i was…  My name is Nikola Im from the eastern european country Bulgaria