A “useless c**t” wouldn’t have admitted it. If you have the balls to admit all of this, even if it is online, you can’t possibly be delusional.

In which sense do you think you’re delusional?

You quite clearly aren’t “morally and spiritually bankrupt” because you actually feel remorse and regret for acting this way. You do have have respect for others as you know that acting this way is wrong and that it affects others.

I seriously believe you aren’t a waste of space – even from the small amount you wrote. There are so many people who could be justified having no reason to continue living – such as terminal illness.

But I believe suicide, for you, and I know it’s so cheesy – is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

As for the friends problem – if you have the chance to move away from the area in which you currently live, you should take it and start afresh. You might benefit from a change of scenery and be able to meet new people without feeling the need to lie anymore – be yourself.

If you tried I think you could build quite a fulfilling future for yourself.

I hope this helps. 🙂

@winstonsmith

I doubt you could make me nauseous. I did it for a while too. I go through phases of complete and utter stupidity – believe me you can get through it.

The chronic lying? Is it hard to stop? It was for me – I still do it to a lot of people.

There’s always a way out, honestly. If you need someone to confide into – this site of full of people willing to listen. Trust me 🙂

You think you’re alone in this? I’m pretty sure I know a few people like this – including myself, even though I’m most likely a bit younger than you. It’s taken me until a few days back to open my eyes to it.

I did a similar thing to that – self-destructing almost. Although I didn’t have a clue, I was sub-consciously doing it.

It has only destroyed your life if you give up now – don’t think like that.
It’ll destroy what little motivation you have left.

My dad’s never had a real job and he’s 41. You’re depressed. What do you expect?

You’re not happy, but you expect to be the most productive person in the world? I think by telling people, even strangers, you’re taking a big step into bettering yourself. Many people in your position wouldn’t admit any of this to anyone.

If you don’t mind me asking – did your parents die in the last few years?

And I’m sure many people would be extremely devastated if you went out in that “romantic way” – especially those people whose generosity you’ve been living off recently. They’ll find out eventually. Don’t do it – you have so much to live for.

You’re young, supposedly healthy and you have no ties anywhere – nothing to keep you from doing anything you want. You could travel or find a job in a place you’ve never been before. There’s so much you could do.

It’s just a waste of a perfectly good future. Don’t squander it – this is more important than some inheritance.

Why do you not want to better yourself?

Would you mind if I asked what your goals in life were, when you actually felt like living?

What changed to make you act differently?