Cut

I cut. And it didn’t do anything. The blood fell but I didn’t feel anything. I thought that was the whole point – to feel something?? Because I didn’t feel anything, that taught me a lot. That taught me that there is no hope for me to ever feel anything, I go through every day without feeling anything, and nothing, not even pain, can stop that numbness.

It makes me want to cut more, and deeper. It makes me want to do as much as I have to so that I can feel something. I never felt satisfied from it. Usually people start off fine with cutting and then get numb, but I guess when you start off that way it can’t be good… Even burning didn’t help when I tried that a while ago. There ain’t much hope for me it seems.