http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ylnx0NA9X4&list=FLWMs7irsk3QtvknGKYjRjjg&feature=mh_lolz
I tried to kill myself… For the second time… I just returned from a long term treatment center 4 days ago… I wish I hadn’t done it… I wish I hadn’t cut so deeply.. I have SO many scars.. How will I hide them? Why am I ashamed of them? Why do I still want to cut, even though I’m soooo much better?? I already carved cutter into my leg….
17 comments
Why hide them, or feel ashamed of them? If I was in your skin I wouldn’t hide them at all because I don’t give a f*ck what people think of me. Most of the people are just evil bastards anyway. Only 5-10% of the people on this planet are good and they might help you or try to help you.
Yeah I agree with Martin1987 if they don’t like you ’cause it say gutter on your leg they ain’t worth no time.
@Martin1987
Did you ever think that she/he might have reason to hide them? She might have family and it would obviously hurt them to see the original poster suffering so badly. She might even be underage so that could lead to hospitalisation if she was caught doing it. If she isn’t, and is old enough to have a job, it may even jeopardise work opportunities, and potentially make her feel worse. And you might want to change your perspective on how you view people – most people AREN’T evil, merely apathetic. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which is worse.
@XxBloodi.AyrxX
I think you might be ashamed of them because you know you shouldn’t be doing it. You’re most likely hurting the people around you and that’s bothering you too.
I think you need to get help – from either friends, family or medical help.
I hope you get better 🙂
@noonoo12
I didn’t take those things into account. Thinking was always my weak side. I was never the bright one 🙂
But still…… if I was in her’s place I would not just stop hiding my scars but make them on a clearly visible place so that everyone can see them.
All people might not be evil but here in my country I started discussing suicide theme on a Macedonian forum and almost everyone attacked my and pronounced me crazy. Only 2 guys were sympathetic and decided to help with an advice.
May God help you if you have suicide thoughts here in Macedonia, nobody will help you. And it is quite usual for the people to feel a sadistic satisfaction knowing that you will kill yourself.
Luckily my country doesn’t have any future because it is drowning in corruption, poverty and other stuff that makes it crumble from the inside, while our enemy the Albanians is slowly but surely gaining more and more rights so that they can easily take over our country when the time is right.
@Martin1987
If you were in her place, you’d still reveal them? What good would that do? It makes people question mental health and other issues surrounding the self-harm. It draws attention to people, when most of the time they do want this, it’s the wrong type of attention. They get hospitalised, their freedoms become restricted and they begin to feel worse than ever. Then the pills start flowing in and all they feel is numb.
That’s pretty shit. I’d rather feel pain, than be completely numb.
By the way, in my family, the people who have committed suicide have been dubbed “stupid and weak”. There’s no sympathy for these people and my Dad even ridicules them from time to time. There’s also the gender inequality – if a man kills himself, it was some woman’s fault – if a woman kills herself, it’s because she was a slut and just wanted to become “westernised”.
Shit like this pisses me off.
I would choose numbness over pain anyday. Too bad I haven’t stumbled yet on anti-depressants than can cause this sensation.
@Martin1987
Go for Ketamine – you’ll try it once and then never again.
Numbness is horrible.
At least it will be a relief from my constant arthritic pain. And arthritis sometimes hurts like a knife stabbed in your joints.
Thank you for the suggestion I will give it a try.
@Martin1987
If you want pain relief, Ketamine is not the way to go. Do you even know what it is? Google it.
It’s not relief – it’s closer to paralysis.
You might want to try acupuncture, glucosamine sulphate tablets or chiropractic therapy. My grandmother has arthritis.
Thanks. I will resume the glucosamine pills. I used to drink them and they helped a little, but recently I got too depressed and I wasn’t doing almost anything except lying in bed. These days I feel a little bit better. I think that this site helped, there are some very nice and caring people here, unlike the sh*tty suicide forums in my country.
@Martin1987
You might even want to try physical therapy if you can afford it.
They should help a lot if you take them when you’ve been prescribed to.
Why did you get so depressed, other than the fact that you’re lonely?
This whole site listens to people – I haven’t even been here long but I can already see that.
@noonoo12
I tried physical therapy and it didn’t helped me one bit. In fact it made things worse. There is a small percentage of people that react negatively to physical therapy and lucky me I am one of those people.
Bad luck is always my companion, it’s like I’ve been cursed by someone or someone has cast a black-magic on me although I don’t believe in such stuff.
That is the reason for my depression , bad luck in everything including health, love, finding job and many other things that I can’t think off.
@Martin1987
That’s really unfortunate. 🙁
But I don’t think it’s “black-magic” Haha.
I think you need to make more of an effort into the love aspect though. 😛
@noonoo12
I used to put an extremely large amount of effort into finding a girlfriend when I was younger, but because I’ve stumbled across many many failed attempts I sorta lost interest into finding a girlfriend. All those failed attempts made a clear message to me, and the message was: I will be forever alone.
I could’ve had a girlfriend once but she was very ugly and looked more like a guy than a girl. (hairy legs, short hair, rough face features and so on…) also she wanted to have a baby with me and I was 23 years old back then. I wasn’t prepared for children back then and I think I will never be.
@Martin1987
See – there’s your problem. You’ve given up in essence. You’re not even trying anymore and you’re just wallowing in self-pity and sadness to be perfectly honest. You wont be forever alone if you just fucking try to look for “love”.
You claim to want a girlfriend and you had the chance to have one – but you let the matter of external appearances get in the way. If you didn’t want a baby you could’ve told her to postpone this event or even explained to her the reasons why you didn’t want one.
@noonoo12
I don’t know if you could understand this but…… I’m just tired of girls rejecting me. They have been rejecting me since 1999 when I was 12 years old. In the first 5 years of my search I didn’t get upset with the rejections, but after that each rejection hurt me more and more. In the end (my last attempts were in 2011) each rejection caused me 2-3 weeks of deep depression, so I quit. Soon after the arthritis came – the unwelcomed guest in my body.
I’ve come to the stage when I’m very afraid to make an attempt. I’m afraid that out of disappointment I might do something bad to myself like jumping in front of a speeding truck or a car.
@Martin1987
I understand where you’re coming from and I’m very sorry for that.
Nothing has gone right for you – I have some idea of what that feels like.
Don’t hurt yourself – it will impact your family as well. And you have a lot to live for. 🙂