He told me to do it

Ever since I was 10 I was always mothering my 2 younger siblings. My parents where always fighting and my dad was abusive to me and my mother. & I would never let him lay a hand on the kids. I would take a beating anytime for them. & I did. My mom used to stay at home and my dad used to work full time. But once my dad got laid off my mom stepped up and started working, leaving him home with us. She never knew how bad of a father he really was. & just so my parents wouldn’t fight I would never tell her all the awful things he used to do. Most of the time he wasn’t home. He was out cheating, or doing drugs. When he’d come home he would either complain about something with his kids, make me clean, or insist I am doing something wrong so he could hurt me. This went on until I was 14. I started thinking about suicide. I started smoking and popping pills just to escape my mind at night. I didn’t see any hope. The only thing that was keeping to ending it was those 2 kids. The night I first tried killing myself I remember to clearly. I was crying in my room for hours. When I finally came out of my room I went to my dad and he started yelling at me to do the dishes. I told him, ” I need to talk to you.” He bursted out, “WHAT! WHAT DO YOU NEED!?” I started weeping as I told him, “I want to kill myself.” He looked at me in disgust and said, “Than do it.” I was mortified but it gave me motivation to finally do it. I started over dosing on my migraine  medicine and I passed out. The next morning I woke up and I was beside myself. I wanted to die even more than before. I went to school that day looking drugged out as ever. Someone finally asked, “Are you okay?” & I couldn’t keep it in anymore I started crying in pain telling them what I had done the night prior. I was sent to guidance to explain and they told me I need to go to the Emergency Room. They called my dad to pick me up from school. He came, but didn’t say a word to me. He called my mom while we were in the car and told her to meet us there. I thought he finally saw what he had done to me. When he signed me into the hospital , he left. I was sent to a Mental Hospital where I stayed for 2 weeks. Not one call, not one visit from him. Once I came back home nothing changed. His parents told him I did it for the attention. That if I really wanted to die I would have made it happen. But I didn’t want to die. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted someone to see my pain.