Lifes good.

My life is good. I really do feel like this is true. But I still constantly think about killing myself. I always have. Since I was nine years old. I’m now 34. I have tried 3 times, not counting the two times with a loaded gun to my head. obviously my heads not working correctly when I’ve tried otherwise I would be dead cause suicide isn’t that hard. But also if my head was on straight I wouldnt want to. It is amazing how I survived not once or twice, but three times a stomach full of leathal pills. I’m taking it as a sign and while I would like to say I would never try again, it does not really work that way. Sometimes the “dark side” of my mind takes over completly and my death feels like it must happen. Im sure someone understands, but no one I ever met. Its not depression, I don’t have anything to be sad about. I really wish I could end this part of me, I don’t really want to die,… well most the time I don’t really want to. I just think about it all day everday.