Too passionate, too hateful.

Things are getting bad again. I’m keeping everything in though. All my emotions, feelings, passions. I’m keeping them on the inside. I know this is a horrible thing to do. One of the most horrible things anyone could do to themselves, since it is mental self-abuse, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to bring any one down. I don’t want to hurt the people I love, I don’t want to hurt anyone the way they hurt me. Maybe I’m just drowning in temporary sorrow, or maybe this is a permanent thing. Ya know, it’s unique and unreliable but it always comes back. The feelings of pure hatred, pure sorrow. It’s permanent. It’s etched in my mind, in my heart. Knowing that you have to carry this feeling, this burden, for probably the rest of your life, sucks. I don’t want to be this way, but I am. I can’t help it. Just like people can’t help hurting me.