If I kill myself I want to be feeling better, I want it to be a pretty day, I want to be in the woods, up in the mountains, I want it to be like that, and I want to be feeling something, like I don’t want to kill myself when I am feeling completely nothing and flat.
crying feels good, its the terrible nothingness that scares the shit out of me
i want to die in a place that is special and think/feel the things that were special to me
and then i think i could die
(the other night i was suddenly not afraid to die and I felt immediately better, and this shadow lifted off me and I felt like I could live – at least for that day)