Today, I’m writing my suicide notes. I figured that even if I chicken out by July, then at least I’ll have something to leave if I do it later. I feel like an awful person for doing this, but that’s why I want to kill myself in the first place.
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Why July?
My original plan was for July. I have everything saved on my computer in a folder with that date, and the notes I’ve started have that date on them. I know for certain I can’t do it that soon now… but I feel like I should do SOMEthing on that date. Not sure what.
I want to do it before my birthday, and July will give me enough time to rethink things, and plan everything out.
I get the feeling that we kinda want to kill ourselves because of society. Because not fitting the standards… i wonder if people would get suicidal if they live alone somewhere in the rainforest hunting and meditating all day. But the ironic thing is society is some thoght up thing, like for example advertising, or insurances. The only thing that is kinda “real” is a group of ppl, but society is like the standard/ or most things all groups have in common.
Life is the most real. Ive read about a lot of ppl here talking about suicide, well no wonder… its called suicideproject. I wouldnt do it its not about bravery its about not seeing the bigger picture. The truth is we know almost nothing about life. All we see is our situation at the moment… not the potential not the way that may lead to freedom and out of depression.
its like giving in to some mean bully, who doesnt know what hes doing. I would never give him that pleasure of winning… soo i wonder if it would help you guys to look beyond what seems to be there. (just curious what keeps me at somewhat high hopes even if im thinking about suicide often.)