i had that gun in my hand. just checking to see if he leaves it loaded. he does. set it right back where i found it. don’t want to give myself away. “keep holding on when my brain’s ticking like a bomb.” pretty much sums up what is going on. my thanks to korn. one part of me is saying eff this i’m outta here. another part says no -i can’t do that to the people who love me. if my psychology is correct the first is the id. the latter the super ego. and it’s the ego who is just listening, absorbing, weighing pros and cons. it is the ego who will decide my fate. the id’s arguments are more or less the same as ever. but this time around they seem more compelling. why should i expect any great relief from the therapies du jour?  someone tell me why i should stay. what the fuck is the point?