I’ve had this thought and no matter how much I ignored it this week I couldn’t shake it. Not to long ago in late March I apologized to a group friends I used to hang out with frequently for cutting them off b/c of depression though at the time they didn’t know and I explained that to them in my apology anyway besides my point my friends seem to being doing very well but one’s success in particular made  me upset I guess because we used to close and to see her doing well made me feel like such a loser because I feel like I’m doing nothing with my life and I know that sounds bad for me to feel like a loser because she’s doing well but we were once close and even though I didn’t tell her my problems and show her certain parts of me but  I always listened to her and it’s like she’s out of my life just like that and I mean I tried but I can tell she doesn’t feel comfortable with me with her again and knowing her she’ll probably never truly forgive me. I know it’s Friday and I should enjoy it but that’s not the only thing bothering me a student in my school passed away last night and I didn’t know her but it bothers me because I wonder if I were to pass like that would anyone remember me or would I just be another person someone crossed passed paths with because I’m pretty quite and I guess you could say I’m a loner, I just wonder how people would feel.
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You are different than you’re friends. For whatever reason, you feel sadness and most feelings more deeply. If not appropriated wisely, this sensitivity can be a curse that immobilizes you; but if accepted and allowed freedom, it can be a dear gift. Think of all the greatest aritists. They too were deeply feeling, so much so that it all poured out onto a canvas, leaflet, or created the structute for a revolutionary idea. You can’t compare yourself to others. Trust, this will only bring more misery.
You sound young so I have to comment that if you are in the prison euphemistically called “public education”, you have much already to be mentally fatigued about. Public School is confining, a hieracheracal breeding ground for social anxiety and in my opinion confuses children of their unique identity when they should be spending adolescence learning about themselves.
So be kind to yourself. Know that your friend who you say you envy, will and has had her share of failures. No one is perfect and just how you hid yourself away, there are many things others hide away that you may never find out.
Thank you though I feel as though we’re aren’t very close anymore at the moment I felt as though everyone had direction and I had none
I’m the same way. Loner, and I’ve been depressed for a while now. This year isn’t a good year for me. I didn’t want to stay home this evening, but I don’t have friends to hang out with or a gf to be with. So basically, I would have just called it a day at 4:00pm and just try and sleep. I decided to at least try to enjoy something and I went out to go see a movie by myself. It’s sad but I’d rather be outside than skulking inside. I saw The Great Gatsby, not a happy ending and I had no one to go with but I can say I did something other than waste yet another Friday in doors. I may have been the only looser all alone, but it didn’t bother me because I just wanted to do something. Afterwards, I walked home to see the calm night around me. For me, I tried at least. When it’s all said and done, if I decide to leave this world forever, I tried to make the best. I guess that’s what matters that you try.
Well at least you know you did something
And that is why if I do give up. I’ll know during the last moments that I actually tried to make my situation better. Maybe you should try, your at school unlike me. It’s easy for a person to link up with others in a school. Go to a movie, maybe link up wih your friends the ones you apologized to and you won’t have to be like me.
Yeah they’re not that close anymore either. I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted anyway