hi, im new to this site so i dont really know how it goes. i just really need someone to talk to because i feel so alone right now and i cant seem to be able to handle it anymore.
i have been cut free for 3 months. the only person whos knows that i cut is my best friend. or she used to be. she got freaked out when she saw and stopped talking to me. i now have no friends and my family hardly looks at me. my dad makes me feel like i should die just because i didnt manage to finish tidying my room today. he doesent know know thats i wasnt tidying my room beause i was crying and trying to fight the stronger than ever urges to put a blade to my skin.
i have tried to kill myself once before. nobody even noticed that i was passed out on my bedroom floor for four hours. my entire family was home. its just nobody wanted to come check on me. talk to me. look at me.
i live in a cramped tiny town where everybody knows someone who knows you. i am always being judged by people who think they know me. my dream is to go to new york. to go to a culinary university and become a world renowned chef.
thats the only thing that keeps me holding on any more. hope for the future. hope that it will be okay.