i dont know what to do anymore. it like my family doesent even care about me. i waited up for my mum and sister to get home to give them dessert i had spent over an hour making, just to get some sort of thanks, and they turn up with icecreams just for themselves, and said ‘ew’ when i showed then what i had made them. i feel so underappreciated and worthless. i started to get angry and my mum yelled at me to go to bed and she called me an ungrateful *****.
im in my room hyperventilating and crying for the third time today. i cant tell if im getting weaker, or everything else is getting harder, or both. school starts again  in three days and i dont know how i am going to be able to handle it at all. its just me siting in class pretending i am perfectly fine, and to make it all worse, the guy who single handedly fucked up the last 3 years of my life just happens to be in my class.
school is getting harder and harder and people think they know me. i just want to run away. run away to a different country with a different name. be a different person.
its been three months. i havent cut in three months. i have found other ways to hurt myself, but none are as satifying as cutting. its so hard going through this alone. its so hard only having myself to help me. only myself to blame. only myself to be here for my triumphs. i just can’t handle it. i just want it to be all over. i thought this year would be different.
i thought this year would be better.