i keep trying to trick myself into being exciteed about school. i keep telling myself to be happy that i am going to see my friends again and learn, and that im not anxious about it.
But then i remember, these people are not my friends. they are just people i follow so im not all alone. and i am not learning. i am scraping by with marks that are only just good enough and taking it one lesson at a time trying to stop myself from screaming or crying or just running away. i hate everything and everyone and no one cares enough to ask why. i hate where i live. there isnt a single person here who i would want to be. i want to run away to a different place and start all over.
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Hey Charlotte,
I wanted to ask you “why?” I don’t know you but care as fellow human(though some might argue I am not kidding)
I have read your postings and it sounds like a insanely hard situation.
I think even if school was great it’d be hard to go back. I understand a bit how it feels
to see the people around you as not real friends or real people.
first off, thank you for caring. not many people seem to.
it just all seems to be getting harder and harder to care about myself because no one else seems to care about me.
my teachers at school are horrible. this girl who i used to be best friends with now hate me, and since she is more popular than me, is making everyone else hate me too.
its just horrible thinking about when im older i will look back and remember how alone i felt and how much i hate myself.
im 14 and im sucidal.
it makes me want to end it all now instead of living till im older and having these memories to look back on.
Hi, I was in a similar situation at 14 years old. Now that I look back, I wish someone had told me that the grades really aren’t such a big deal, and that the people at school ultimately mattered very little in my life. Your anxiety problem can be solved, you can find true friends, and things really can get better.
I’m wondering if there’s a school nurse or someone that you could tell about your feelings. Maybe something could be arranged to make your days at school at least, easier.
Hola Charlotte,
How goes it? I can relate to the difficulty level going up on caring for yourself when nobody does. I think “Fancy” makes a good point about school and friends in it. I think just keeping your grades up and focusing on that Cooking School in NY that you are going to be going to(yeah I am psychic) I think I’m full of crap often but a saying I have that might help you is “consider the source” If people who don’t care about you say something consider the source. The painful things I have been told have come from those I know loved me.
there is a school councellor, but she never seems to be in her office. im not really sure why. also her office is in the main part of my school, where everyone can see me. i dont want to be known as the freak who talks to the councellor.
thank you for letting me know im not the only one who has felt/feels this way.
i cant wait until i have my own life, and i dont have to rely on my parent for food or housing.
im being treated as a child while im expected to act like an adult.
What are you doing up at this hour?(post time says 1am) Kidding.
I was thinking if you had alone time or something to maybe call crisis hotline even if its not crisis might be option.
Also being that all I do is work and sit in my apartment message me happy to listen.
Family stuff is always crazy. I’m 37 and still perplexed about it.
Your postings made me think of if there is a appropriate(not sure thats the best word) age one could ponder suicide. I tried to off myself 10 yrs ago. Not sure I am happy with the past 10 yrs enough to say glad I didn’t succeed. So you need to send me a batch of that ice cream you made….what other things do you like to make/cook?
Ciao
Scott
i dont really mind what i am cooking, as long as it is something, but i do like making meringues and decorating cakes, but thats usually a rare thing cause ingrediants are expensive. and i know what you mean about not really being happy or sad.
im suprised i am still alive. not happy. not sad. im just suprised im still alive
Well thats nice that you have a passion stick with it. I’m without passion or love of anything. I do wish we lived in a world where our life was our own in that if I wanted to die humanely the powers that be would assist. Suicide is not irrational and its the myopic that think so. Yeah I am bitter today(most days)