Confused

When I was about 8, i was raped. My parents dont know. I could never tell them, I have no one to talk to it about. That has led me to have some serious trust issues, I am 16, in 10th grade, I have never had my first kiss. Never done anything with a guy. People assume I’m afraid, tell me to put myself out there, its not that I dont want to, I do, but i physically can’t. It kills me inside. And guys don’t like me anyways. Im fat, short, awkward, ugly, white as can be, and have friends that I dont fit in with. I feel worthless, dumb, a failure. My mom doesnt even listen to me, she just doesnt care, doesnt care when I’m hurt. She says I overreact. But I dont. I have no one to talk to so I just talk to myself. I don’t self-harm, I almost have, but my body won’t let me. My heart says yes, my body says no. I have considered suicide many, many times. The only reason I dont is because of my dad, sister, nephews, and niece.