For the first time in a long time, I wanted to die last night. I had the weight of everyone and everything on my shoulders, and to make the pain and strain less, I cut my left thigh 4 times with a razor blade. The cuts were deep, which is a cutter’s dream. I wanted so badly to cut my wrists, but I didn’t want to bother with trying to hide them later on from my family. I’ve been sick this past week with a cold, and my stepmom bought me a knock-off brand of Nyquil. I took 3 shots of that, hoping it would take some sort of effect. I didn’t take enough, because I woke up this morning. The first thing that came to my mind when I opened my eyes was like a little voice telling me, “Life is beautiful. What did you do?” I felt bad for my cuts and for wanting to die so badly. I’m thankful to have a life such as this one, even though it sucks a lot of the time. No one else has a story like I do, and no one else has this blood I do. I’m different from the world, and I should be happy because of that. I’m not a robot.
I was thinking about my life Friday. Looking through my memories and taking old files from the filing cabinet that is my mind. I was a little overwhelmed with it all, because sometimes it seems this life, this past, isn’t mine. I feel like I’ve been alive for much longer of a time than just 15 years. So much has happened, and I’ve seen so much. I know there’s more to come, and sometimes I wonder how much more there could be than what I already have.
This is life….I guess.
1 comment
Life is like cricket. You get periods during a match where the coniditions change because of the variable bounce, the wicket begins to turn or it favours the quick bowlers and you have to be defensive. Sometimes a delivery keeps low, catches you by surprise. Even the great Sachin Tendulkar has gone for a duck on many occasions. Look at all the people that never even made it to adulthood, they are back in the pavilion.
You’re 15 not out and now you need to build on that.