I’m finally ready

I am so glad I found this site, it feels good to read people’s true emotions without the usual responses about how it’s not worth it, etc etc, and it seems there are some success stories.

I have been drawn to suicide since my school years, I got bullied, but lost the attraction to it, some years later after failing and struggling and finally dropping out of university with a massive student loan I wanted again to commit suicide, but since my parents co-signed for my student loan I couldn’t do it.

That debt is long gone, but my new problems are far worse, my parents didn’t save for their retirement they are struggling, they won’t go to the doctor can hardly afford their medical aid scheme and medical bills, they are both unhealthy and don’t want to go to their doctors or get medication anymore.

I have a sister that can’t take care of herself either and constantly makes me feel like shit about her life, the missery of our parents and how much I’m not helping out. After every conversation with her, my passion for taking my life burns strongest.

I have a horrible job and boss that doesn’t pay enough I’m struggling to pay my bills and am heavily in debt at least this time no one has co-signed.

I have a great boy friend who I love and a few good friends, but none of them know of my family and work situation, there is not one person I can share this with.

Furthermore,  I’m sick of this world, my life, the routine, my body, tax, associations, memberships, politics, drama, bills, rent all of it, and the only way out is suicide, I have a constant feeling of tiredness and annoyance, I can hardly ever experience happiness.

I want to have a bit of fun before I go, rack up some debt, go travel overseas, and finally end my life, I wanted to wait for my parents to pass away first to save them the pain, but I can’t wait anymore.

I just don’t know how to save my parents and my boyfriend from this pain, a good option seems to make my death look like an accident.

What I’m looking for is a relatively easy and painless and idiot proof way to take my life, that will look like an accident.