it is time

what i meant when i wrote that i can not tell to anyone about my plans i was thinking about the specific day and place you know, you need some time or they can find you and that is something i dont want to, sorry i was not specific, i have been in therapy, it wasn´t really helpful, i live by myself sometimes y visit my parents i dont really have a relationship with them or my brother or any of my family not because i dont want to they are just cold people, some months ago i took my parents by the arms, shake and scream to them that i needed help the next day they were like nothing happened my brother told me that i should be locked up, i told to a friend of mine that i got the ******** and i was planing my suicide, she told me that she will be really sad and she didnt want me to die, i think people are just selfish, why nobody calls or concern about others they just dont want to feel guilt, im making a diary i dont know if anyone is going to read it or just keep it hidden i want to show the people how i felt but nobody took the time to listen, and i like to draw its a really cool diary cause it looks like an anciet book but i think doesnt matter anymore, i got my 12gr of pentobarbital, i just need the antihemetic and go to acapulco (its my favorite place in the world) i want to see the ocean one more time and then leave, i have always felt that im like a 80 yo mind in a 28 yo body, yup im 28 well i think thats all for tonight sorry if my post it´s like weird, english is not my first language ñ.ñ