To be completely honest, I hate my life. I have never been bullied, abused, or anything that could put me in a state like this. I am depressed, suicidal, and a cutter. I have what most people would describe a ‘perfect life’. But its not like that at all-
Just more than 6 weeks ago, my parents found out that I cut. To my dad, he didn’t give a fuck about my cuts. He just wanted them gone. My mother was out of town that week so she didn’t know until my dad told her.
At school, everything is fine. I fake a smile, get through the day, and I don’t let any of my friends know that I am hurting; or in my case, drowning in air. I don’t know what drove me to my slice a blade across my wrists in the first place, maybe it was because I was fed up with everything or maybe it was because I just wanted to feel something.
I don’t know but I just am so done- with the bullshit, the drama, and the lies. And I feel like I can’t tell anyone about them because they will look at me differently or hate me. I couldn’t tell my parents either because to them- I am the disappointment of the family.
So I guess every week or everyday I am going to post on here about my thoughts and life. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Poem The Week
i feel like as though
i have been slowly
creeping out of this
deep and dark hole
and as soon as my
fingers can finally
reach out and grasp
the very top and feel
the welcoming warmth
from the sun that has
been so vacant in my life
for so very long
somebody comes
along and steps on
my fingers, loosening
my grip and letting me
fall back down to the
very bottom, right
where i started,
alone with nothing
to see but black.
-m.r.
3 comments
ik exactly how you feel. majority parents dont believe that teens go thru things. just because we dont have adult responsibilitys like they do they think our life is easy, well they are wrong -_- i feel your pain.
I feel like this too. I’ve been abused before, bullied a little (mostly by my dad).. And I felt so alone. But then I found out some friends of mine cut… And I tried it. We were about to go in on a triple suicide, but apparently you go to hell for that. I’m still considering, though. Anyway, thank you for this! It’s nice to know that someone else like me is out there, somewhere. ‹3
Yeah, I have to admit I feel like this, too. I left high school when I was 16 for college, thinking it would be a lot better being around older, smarter (so I thought) people. I was dead wrong. They may have adult responsibilities, but they’re still punks bullying a new crowd–the low wage earners, the people in their labs, anyone they have power over. High school doesn’t end on graduation. From what I’m experiencing, people change their costumes, but their roles remain the same.
As for parents, I know mine love me, but what’s most important to them is profession. Everything’s about social standing. You have to have the right credentials or you’re nothing–and this despite their BS liberal rhetoric about equality and the value of human life. If we really valued human life the world–at least our country–would be run very differently. What we value: money, power, sexual gratification, repeat.
Anyhow, yes, I agree with you. Just because we’re teens, everyone has some snide or condescending way to shove aside the way we feel. But I think it’s worse than that for some of us because we already know we’re not going to grow out of the role society has hoisted upon us–to be one of the untouchables, the lowest caste members. And I’ve read this from several reputable social theorists for my classes–about how we humans always form ranks in society. How there must be people on the bottom–economically, scholastically, aesthetically. They (I should say WE ’cause I’m one of them) give the elites their status (social power), what matters most to them.
God I want out of here…