Loosing Hope

I guess your supposed to reach road blocks in your life. I just didn’t know there would be this many.. I just.. I dont know what to do anymore. I am a rape victim. I was raped by someone I loved with all my heart. Since that day I have hated myself, and its only getting worse. I cant sleep without nightmares. I cant go out in public without the fear of seeing him. Many people ask if I ended up pregnant… Yes, I did. But my baby girl didnt make it. Every single day I get 6-8 flashbacks which cause me to break down and cry. I cant go one day without a flash back. They are killing me. The only thing I have is my razor blade. My arm has no more room to cut so I just reopen cuts. Everyone sees me smiling so they dont think anythings wrong when In reality… I am dying inside. I am done with this pain. I am at my breaking point. I want to die.