all the time
now.
now that i cut
i feel like there’s
an ice-cube on my
mind.
like there’s an ice-
cub covering my
heart.
like i can’t feel any-
thing.
i can think, that’s for
certain.
like i said, this, this
cutting
has saved me from
ruin.
i can think. the cutting has
helped
me pull my life back
together.
mostly it was my school
life
meaning my grades and
whatever
that was falling apart when i
had
nothing to hold onto, nothing to
cling to.
and so now that the cutting has
numbed
my feelings and made it so i can’t
feel
i can concentrate on thinking
bringing
up those grades and being
less
stressed. which is a good thing.
but
it gives me stress, too, like
what
if i’m caught? then what? but the
benefits
outweigh the harm, so whatever.
since
my grades were falling and i needed to
save
them, i started cutting. get rid of
going.
result
which
was kind of, in a way
scary
because the old me would’ve cared but the
new
me didn’t. and that was weird. and i’ve figured
something
out, that no matter how much i feel like the
cutting
helps me, i need to stop, i need to have some
foresight
harm
to
will
stop.