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red

by secretgrrl
written by secretgrrl
i see red
not enough red
never enough red
everyday i see red
everyday i don’t see red
i think i’m going crazy
i think i’m dying.
which is ridiculous because if anything kills me it will be the red.
and i’m not supposed to be that
i’m not supposed to be ridiculous
solid
down-to-earth
laughing
straight-a
goody-2-shoes
that’s who i am
who i’m supposed to be
that’s what they tell me
anyways.
and this is ridiculous
because i hate poetry
but i have to write this because i have to
which is not a good reason
and i know that
and i don’t care.
i don’t know if i’m supposed to care
or what
and i’m so confused
and i’m so lost
and i feel the blade calling
but i’m afraid
of seeing more red
of not seeing more red
i need to see the red
i don’t need to see the red
i want to see the red
i don’t want to see the red
i hate the red
i love the red
the red has made me lose my way
the red is ruining me
making me into ruins
yet i love it
love red
yet i hate it
hate red
i’m so lost
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