how can things and situations and life be so wrong and sad. I get so depressed. Im only 17, but i feel like its over. its done. I’m too damaged now. nothing will be good again. i should’ve left when i could’ve. because people will break you. they will tear you apart. until you have nothing. and they’ve succeeded. i have nothing left.
i hate feeling like this. never have things gotten this low, the past 4 months have been hell.
sometimes it gets better for a moment or two. i see hope, happiness and my heart fills with something good, something i wish i could hold on to, something i wish i could keep. but no matter how hard i try. i can’t. But this hope and happiness used to rule my life, what happened?
But the thing is, i know what happened.
I had fire burning inside me. i was so ready and excited and happy.
for life. for living. young and stupid.
But pain changes you. and things will never go back. and I’ve wasted so much time pretending.
Now I’ve said too much.
3 comments
I wish you the best in getting your happiness. I too am in a similar situation. Though I see no way of achieving it myself, i truly wish you the best. I wish i could be more helpful, but i’m at a loss myself in this labyrinth of pain and suffering looking for “happiness”.
There are things you shouldnt spend much time thinking about in life, life at 17 isnt filled with too many opportunities but sometimes we expect too much from ourselves.. You can always make it somewhere with brilliant ideas even if it only use was to keep the fire burning.. You have no business thinking you can or could have done more. Just live your life as it comes… Read novels, master ICT stuff like programming langs and try to prepare yourself for the bigger challenges ahead
There are times when we are down and we blame life for leading you to that path. I also had a similar experience and Its so hard to get up when you know your life seems to be over. Its different from the usual borderline sadness that we experience everyday. We’re vulnerable, weak and unable to cope from the damage.
The feeling that you get from not being able to confront people because you know they’ll only break your heart to pieces pains me. I only had a few friends and I can’t even tell them my problems because I always think that they’ll reject me.
When you said “it gets better for a moment or two” its like you are trying to forget this hurtful experience. Do not avoid it, do not go around it. Tackle this obstacle straight on because it will haunt you down, you’ll have regrets and you will only keep on doubting yourself even more.