this is my life….

My life overall has just been sad. It isn’t sad all day every day, but there are always moments throughout my day when I become sad. I start thinking about how much my life has changed and how much it is going to change. I’m still fairly young and I’m actually graduating at the beginning of next month. I’ve been taking this month to say goodbye to the people that I probably won’t see again for a really long time, and I think it’s adding to the sadness. Since I’m new here I guess I’ll share part of my story; my parents are divorced, and I live in a house full of broken people. We either all have anger issues, bipolar, or depression. There’s hardly ever a day when there isn’t some sort of drama. I will admit since my parent’s divorce, things have gotten better, but nothing will ever be fixed. I’ve been dealing with depression for at least 5 years now. I’ve never been diagnosed because no one wants to listen to my problems because they’re too self-absorbed in their own. I guess that’s why I came here, to give me a place to vent without the fear of being judged. I’m also dealing with a friend who is suicidal and depressed and we’ve been trying to get through our problems together….and it isn’t working. I’m too honest for her and she feels as if I’m always judging her; but in reality I’m just trying to save her life. Things are kinda rocky between us right now, and I’m trying to fix it…but I don’t know if I honestly want it to be fixed. For the past couple of years I’ve also been dealing with my questioning sexual orientation. I guess you could classify me as bisexual, but I definitely like girls more than guys. And I’ve been trying to get back with my ex girlfriend because I’m still completely in love with her. I’ve never wanted anyone as bad as I’ve wanted her. She claims she loves me and she will never stop but she says she is too crazy for me. But what she doesn’t understand is that I’m probably the most crazy person she has ever met. I also feel like I’m stuck. I don’t know where I’m going in life or what I’ll be doing. I can’t wait until I can be on my own and take the time to just figure myself out. I don’t know how much longer I can take it in my house, or even in my community, having to hide behind a fake persona. Very few people know I like girls, and even fewer people know that I’m depressed and have attempted suicide. I’m afraid that if anyone found out all my secrets I would end up alone forever. I apologize for this post being so long, I didn’t realize I had so much on my mind.