Tired.

Now I’m sitting here knowing that things are going down hill I’m losing everything and everyone. I am completely done. I have nothing left. I don’t even see the point in trying anymore. I see all these people laughing and smiling and I hate it. There for I don’t like who I am and change will not come because I’m me and that’s it. I can’t change if I tried. My life had been full of bullshit stuff that no one should say they went through. god did not put me here to be sad he put me here to make something of myself and I have failed him. There are so many reasons to die and no reasons to live. I don’t get why things have to be this way. I want to live and be happy I do so bad I’ve cried myself to sleep every night i praying the same prayer. I always pray that everyone who I know or seen is happy and healthy and I pray that god will give me the strength to put the ruins back together I pray he gives me the strength to live by my one rule to treat others how I want to be treated. I’m not a good person but I try so hard to be. It’s pointless when you know you will be nothing more then that suicidal hopeless 13 year old for the rest of your entire life. Things could change. They won’t though because this is what I deserve.