four months, down the drain. i want to get a tattoo when i am older, one that looks like the red scratch on my hand at the base of my thumb. i have tried to tell myself that it doesent count, but i know that it does. i know that after four months i have hurt myself again, but to be honest i dont care. everything was just building up inside of me and everytime i look at the cut i am not angry or sad. i am strangely happy or proud. i dont know why. this cut right now means so much to me. it is the shap of a heart monitor blip. it just means to much to me. its kindof weirdly ironic that something that means life could have been created so close to possible death.
it will scar, but i am happy. but eventally it will just be another reminder of my messed up 14 y/o life. and since it is onw my and, not my leg this time, people can notice. 3 people have noticed, and they ask why, but i can tell that their worries are not sincere. but i dont care. thius means so much to me and thats all i really care about right now.
3 comments
I went four almost five months without cutting recently. I was miserable. I understand what a release it is after all that time. I also get the fact no one seems sincere, but you’ll find someone who is sincere eventually. I hope you find someone, or that a razor blade is enough of a lover.
yeah I’m totally going to have to agree with lyssalookingforhelp. and this reminds me of my own scar 🙂 its in the shape of a block heart on the side of my wrists. I’m 14 too and my parents screamed at me for cutting, but it passed. I still open it up from time to time and it comforts me when no one else does. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one proud of a scar 🙂
Hey Charlotte, You might not remember me but we chatted a few times. I think it was great you had 4 months. I never liked counting ‘sober’ time by how long since last use as much as sober time over all. Then again I’m a speed junkie so who knows. How is school ? I don’t have any to give myself but I’ll try to beam you some good energy.
Cheers