My Life

A couple of days ago I started to look back on my life, sixteen you don’t really  have much to think about but I did.  Depression has been with me for now five years now, but it slowly got worse two years ago. I am the third child in my family the “unplanned” one.  Before I started middle school it was perfect loving the life of a elementary school student haha. But it was the summer of going into six grade. My mom and I just didn’t go together anymore we would have fights and she would tell me if you don’t like it here leave. I did one day, but I was brought back by a family friend and then it went downhill from that. My middle school years were horrible. Bullied all three years. In eighth grade it finally clicked that I was going downhill. I kept a journal of everything from the bully to family and to suicide. I was only what 13, I wasn’t really getting the whole concept of suicide. By freshman year I was in a deep hole. The unthinkable happened I started to self harm. My parents found out the first time. But after I was careful and then the second time my mom found out and she black mail to tell my dad. I stopped of course, but now she checks my wrists to see if I have done it. I haven’t done it since three months ago but she doesn’t know that.

My sophomore year same but things started to get worse I had suicidal thoughts and I had one best friend who was going through what I was going through I went to talk to him but recently we got into a fight and we stopped talking. I had everything plan when I tried to commit suicide. The letter the things but I got tired and I fell asleep dumb right? The next day everything was fine I guess. In history I was known as the terrorist which caused me to go in more depression. Terrorist for not supporting the usa? But it hurt I am never good with people just jokingly calling me names. Here I am fighting depression right now i’m losing the war the war with my inner demon. And I lost I know I can never be happy I know I can be that little girl who wanted to be a baker when she grew up that girl is long gone. But what’s left is the demon that won the battle in my mind and now close to winning the battle of my heart. Welcome to my life.