Over the years I have watched so many friends come and go. I help them with anything. I have saved them from suicide, cleaned there wounds from cutting themselves, acted as support and help through the tough times. I have done so much for so many of them. I ask for nothing in return but friendship to last. That always fails. People don’t change inside but there needs and lies change everyday. I try to help and I do all the time, but honestly I never get anything out of it. I get happiness that last a few weeks then ends up in me crying. I bore them or I am depressing even though ever day I help them with so many things I am the depressing idiot at fault. I wanted them to stay. It never fails. People lie. People cheat. People don’t change. That is the reality that we refuse to take in each and everyday, because of a hope that ends in sadness.
We hope things will be different when they come back to us to be friends or lovers. They never do and when they do we realise how much we haven’t changed and start to feel bad about ourselves like we are the ones to blame. Maybe we are, but do you really want to think that? Do you really want to think that your veiw on this ends up in self hatred which makes you just like they were when you helped them? The only problem with that is they won’t always help you in return. No. Most of the time they never even look back at that one person who is now suffering because of them. They never look back because they know then they will suffer seeing what they have done to you. So I ask you, why not give up friends? Your answer could be many things. Some are scared to be alone in this world with no contact for the worst times when you need someone to calm you down, others are scared to stop being nice to people because it will hurt them. Does this make sense?
I am cold. I helped to my width with everything. Show me how this is suppose to end. In sorrow? Or will you come back to me with an empty apologize that only means you either: want to make me feel better so you don’t feel bad, want more help, or are just saying it one more time for use of habits. You could look at it as if they were really sorry but always remember people lie the only question is about what. I have friends, but are they really friends when the odds are down and all they offer is a “sorry now leave me alone” ? Or “sorry tell me more before I leave you in tears to think” There is always an inbetween the lines that you don’t look at. Then left alone I finally think to myself “Misery please leave me alone” Then I laugh. I laugh because all I know is misery. Then agony about that is misery is that misery is worse than agony. So you think maybe you deserve to suffer in the faceless enemy within you that you can’t even fight anymore because your heart has been ripped out by the vile friends and lovers you were once so happy with. Then the happy memories haunt your dreams till the point you can’t even bare to sleep because YOU know you will wake up in tears over them happy memories that brought you so much joy in the past. The ironic thing is you look back at all the sad ones and now they make you laugh because you finally understand what was so sad about them. You finally see the truth that you wish you would have never known. What’s that about?
2 comments
First off, if you want people to read your post, please use paragraphs. It’s really hard to read a post that is just one big, giant paragraph, with no breaks in between.
Second, people are sh*tty. How many times and how many people have I bent over backwards for, helping them and being so good to them, to only be rewarded with them being jerks and not event wanting to listen when all I ask in return is a mere sympathetic ear listen and comfort me every now and then.
I don’t have a solution for you; I have the same issues as you do. My conclusion is that people are just selfish bastards. Yup.
:3 How is the paragraphs? I tried to fix it. Sorry. I didn’t pay much attention to paragraphs I was just ranting about how I was feeling at the time. Thanks!