I haven’t written for awhile. Im doing this from my iPad something’s happened. Someones told me again that I mean nothing. I mean he made me get very upset, he wanted to come see me, I wasn’t sure, i told him I wasn’t, because I’m so messed up right now, and he got angry, Â cold, stone cold. But I was crying and looking at the kitchen knives and he practically laughed, and said he was busy, basically that He has a life. I know how pathetic this sounds, but noe Iwant to, I’m thinking of really doing this.
people told me he is a psychopath, that he doesn’t have real feelings but I didn’t really believe it. I’ve known him since high school. Since I was 15. I’m sorry this is inchoherant. I have a knife  but I’m scared.
Sorry, I know this is bullshit. There are really intelligent people on here. This sounds so Whatever , but I’m in trouble. I’m sorry. Ifi kill myself, please know you were the only ones I could really turn to. Ever. You are the only real. Ones. I miss Iowa girl. I think about her sometimes. I wish i’d talked to her .
and someone else. Other special people on here. Who have helped me. Been kind the way no one else has been because its for real. Thank god there’s something real. I mean all of you.
I don’t know what I’m doing , I just really don’t know. I feel very  shaken and you know.
Thanks if you’ve read this.
Ps, I’m sorry if I’ve ever written any respons that weren’t very helpful.
24 comments
sit down and just breath. Slowly. Breath in …. breath out … Focus on that. Count your breaths… Occupie your brain with something as simple as counting. Try. It could help.
How are you feeling now?
Not very well. I keep crying. Keep hearing this cold voice. I can’t explain, I gave myself, a lot of my inner self to this person. Not just sex. But it’s like nothing to him. I don’t understand.
I feel like I can’t take this. I feel like everything is false around me. The noises outside seem unreal. Or far away. This doesn’t make sense I know.
Ps, I’m trying to breath as you say.
It sounds like this person is cold and selfish. Right now u have to be selfish too and take care of yourself, no matter what he did or say to you. He is not important right now, u are.
For me also works if I hold my knees – hug myself basicly. I feel less alone. I guess you are alone right now? So you are your best friend. And I care about you too 🙂
How are you doing now ?
I’m going to try holding my knees. I know what you mean. Thank you.
I’m trying not to think about him. It’s hard. Because I let him in. Do you know what I mean? So it’s hard. But I’m trying. Thank you for caring. I’m a fool. I know this now.
Im glad I could help. If you want to talk more, just go ahead. I will be here, checking your posts and replying as long as you need me.
Thank you smusmu.
Well, love is a foolish game they say…. Everyone is a fool when it comes to love. Theres nothing rational about it.
You know, you helpped me too, just by answering on my comment. I instantly feel less alone. So thank you back …
I think of you often along with a few others, when I think of SP. it would be even lonelier here without you. Lots of people are taking a break from the site right now, wen they come back they will be asking about you, I know. Please take care of yourself
Mabi~
I always miss people who have disappeared. I find it better to hope they are off having a disney ending :3
@smusmu <3 thank u for being here for me, I'm feeling calmer. You are …so sweet to take the time like that. <333
@realtalk really? You think of me? That made me smile! It's like you've always been on here. That means a lot to me. Really. Thanks. And I do hope you're feeling better, I know you posted you weren't feeling well. Is it still that way? <3 <3 I really do care too.
@attheend I like the Disney ending idea. I'm going to think of it that way too. With rainbows and butterflies. And swirling sparkly things coming from wands. 😛
…and I will get strong and get through my quest. 🙂
Thanks <333
take care 🙂
To be honest I think I might have a fatal condition. But I’m trying to see if I recover after today’s rest so I don’t have to see a doctor, just to rule out anything fatal. Its just kinda a mystery whats going on with me. But right now I think I’m getting my strength back…I think….not sure yet.
And yes I think of you and also AtTheEnd cuz we relate to work issues,
ExitToNowhere cuz of the horse racing, makes me laugh.
One_day cuz she is well respected here.
Dawg and Clevername cuz they are intellectual thinkers.
And noonoo12 cuz…..well….cuz well..she’s a real *****! 🙂 and I like that about her! lol
We all have a fatal condition … it’s called “Life” … and it’s a terminal condition … “No one here gets out alive”
Thanks for the honorable mention RT30 🙂
critical thinking dawg
I can’t promise to make you feel like everything is ok,
but can you email me before you go?
I want to try to help you a little.
It’s brl.cents@gmail.com
I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow realtalk. I hope the day is not too hard on you.
I read all these peoples posts and comments (and yours) (and yours Dawg) everyones, and always get something from them. sometimes something that makes me laugh (and i can be sad and too turned inward, so laughing is always good) or smile, or think of something in a new way. and that makes my mind feel like windows opened and i felt the breeze and the moonlight shinning in.
or just less lonely – or understanding there are many others struggling here, because i can be selfish –
or less like i have to be cheerful or pretending im ok when im really not
Anytime Dawg!!
Thanks Butterfly_free, I’m feeling way better after a whole day of resting and drinking water. 🙂 almost fully recovered I think. Still not sure if I have DVT yet but I hope not.
I realize i got a mention o-o who would have thought it’d be cuz of work similarities. I thought it’d be cuz of my dashing good looks or my uncanny wit, or my extraordinary comments. Wait thats not me o-o yes its the work thing.
Oh yes yes…that too…very dashing indeed! lol