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im tired, so tired

by djsmith
written by djsmith

me ranting about stupid shit…

Ever since I was a child I’ve been an overthinker on the stupidest shit. Even now I can’t have one argument with a friend, or something without thinking about it the whole day and it being stuck in the back of my mind. It effects my day to day life because it progressively gets worse throughout my life. I can’t even take a simple compliment without thinking if they really meant it or not. Now I have horrible insecurities about my body and personality. Moving on, I’m currently almost failing three of my classes and as a previous honor roll student I’m letting everyone in my family down. My parents think I don’t care and that I’m unbothered and not trying to fix it in anyway. But in reality this is tearing me apart. I feel as if I have no one to talk to seeing as my old counselor has stopped seeing me. My parents are Caribbean, and always talk about how much they have sacrificed to be here and raise my sibling right and shit. As much as they think their words don’t bother me its the worst feeling in the world disappointing them. My father has mentioned before that all he wants to live for is to see me graduate and he will be fulfilled. They most fucked up part about it is that in 10 years all I can think of is a empty slate. I can’t imagine a world where I’m succeeding in life. It feels like no matter what I do, or matter how hard I try it feels like its never good enough for anyone.

I keep messing up. I keep failing shit.

My life has been doing a downward spiral, and its hard to act like the unbothered daughter, or the hilarious friend, or the amazing student. I don’t want to keep trying anymore, its draining the life out of me. At least when I had the counselor, I could rant to them and it improved my metal state, but now I can’t do that. My mother thinks that I’m getting bad grades to spite her and that I’m doing this all on purpose. She’s teacher so I guess she expects more out of me. I try and rant to my mom and tell her how I feel about things but no matter what I do she soomehow finds a way to make it my fault. I’m tired of living, or trying so hard for a future I don’t even see myself in. My parents are starting to realize that I don’t really believe in their religion anymore, and that I’m bi. But when they do finally find out their are gonna be mad as shittt. My serects are unraveling and I don’t know how to handle it. 

I know I don’t have half as serious stories or rants like most the people here, but its nice to type it out once in a while.

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Chronic PainCoping SkillsFamily & Friends EffectsI Will SurviveRantsStories of HopeStories of Loss

1115 Days…

by JCITM
written by JCITM

One thousand, one hundred and fifteen days have gone by since we discovered you were no longer a part of this universe, our universe.  It has gotten easier to process but it’s still not easy. The shock of it never ceases. It is still surreal. How can I summarize in words the cluster of pain we feel everyday given your absence?  Let’s see. The reality that you are missing and missed our daughter and son’s 16th birthdays, his phenomenal culinary skills, his dream of becoming a chef and his fascination with living in Japan someday, our daughter’s early high school graduation, 18th birthday, first year of college and her being on the honor roll with a 3.81 GPA and her extraordinary producing and deejaying talents, is saddening.  The reality that you will not be present for other monumental moments in their lives such as college graduations, weddings, births is even more heartbreaking. The thought that our beautiful daughter and handsome son haven’t had a male role model since you left, causes tears to well in my eyes almost every single day. When our son comes to me asking questions only a man can authentically answer, I do my best to fill your shoes but I shouldn’t have to.  When our daughter tells me that a young man she’s dating reminds her of you in the way he protects her, it’s bittersweet. Bitter for obvious reasons and sweet because she at least has someone who, for that moment, is a positive reminder of you. You left us to pick up a million shattered pieces.  You left me to raise two human beings that we created together, on my own and it hasn’t always been a breathtakingly gorgeous emotional walk in the park.  There have been and will be countless nights I shut myself in and weep silently in my pillow so not to cast any more of a crushing burden on our children.  Why couldn’t you have been strong enough to pull through the rough times? Why couldn’t you have in the darkest of hours, seen their four impressionable eyes staring back at you, counting on you to be the protector as you’d always been?  Where did the tragic turn in the journey begin and ultimately end? Why did you let go of this thing called life?  Was there something I could have done or, anyone for that matter, to change your mind? Is it unfair of me to call you weak, curse your ashes and regret the day I met you? Absolutely because obviously, you felt an indescribable hopelessness in which I simply cannot fathom. This tragedy has taught me, albeit a process, not to project so much but to lead with compassion, understanding and empathy.  One never knows how rough someone’s terrain is until they too walk on that very terrain in that someone’s shoes. Just because there’s a smile on someone’s face doesn’t always mean their spirit shares that very sentiment.  Who am I to judge you? Will I still have my moments of anger, sadness, confusion and a whole bunch of feelings and emotions I sometimes choose not to control just so I can allow myself to feel organically, versus distract myself and become numb? The answer is a resounding yes. I’m human and I’ll always wish you were here to see our babies, who are now young adults.  Watching them triumphantly maneuver through this cold world we live carrying the legacy of you not being here on their backs, assures me they are resilient and in time, they will be just fine.  They are truly champions and my hero and heroine. I cannot help but acknowledge and credit you though for most of what you instilled in them during the brief time you had in their world, which contributed to the stand up and strong human beings that they are. Thank you for that because outside of God’s love, those very attributes are the things that have enabled them to keep moving forward and upward, even when the light is so dim at the end of the tunnel.  Not a day goes by in which we don’t share a story and/or a laugh about you and despite it all, you are terribly missed.  I know that it will never be easy but each day, it will get easier.  Continue to rest in peace.   

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Chronic PainGeneral

I Want Different

by AshCoveredAngel
written by AshCoveredAngel

I don’t want to be ‘sick’ anymore or at least well enough I can resemble the things I want to be. Who I am is not my desire.

I’d like to work but I’m beyond just pushing myself and I’ve been denied disability.

I want to be the super mom I believed in but I’m not well enough.

I want to be able to stay with my significant other and not cry or have flashbacks about things he had nothing to do with.

I want to be all love and light.

I want to be so many things but my illness stands in my way.

Most of the time I can’t even want these things, I just want to be dead. I want the pain to stop.

I’ve been suffering for over 2/3 my life and I want it to cease.

I’ve been told I won’t get better and I’ve swallowed that hard truth. I will die with this pain and illness.

That’s not what I want but it’s inevitable. I’ve done everything I can think of but I’m still this way, this sore.

Please, powers that be, hear my plea. Do not let me wake up tomorrow.

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GeneralPoetry & Art

Miguel De Unamuno – An Eternal Elegy

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Miguel De Unamuno – An Eternal Elegy

 

Oh Time, Time,

relentless tyrant!

Oh terrible mystery!

The past does not return,

it never comes back again,

ancient history!

Yes, ancient, but always the same,

terrifying!

Always present…

. . . . . . . . . . . .

When consciousness is deprived

of the passage of time,

what is it that remains?

What happens to light if the mirror is broken?

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Fierce Saturn,

oh Time, Time!

Lord of the world,

executioner of your children,

supreme cause of our bondage!

–

Once again the complaint,

once again the eternal song

that never ends,

how all is lost and nothing remains,

that time is passing

irreparably!

Irreparably, irreparably, do you hear?

Irreparably!

Yes, irreparably, and never forget it!

Life? Life is constantly dying,

it is like the river

in which the same water

never returns again

and yet is always the same.

In the crystal of the flowing liquids

the waving poplars on the river bank

are reflected

and the trembling image is never reflected

by the same water.

–

What is the past? Nothing!

The future you dream is also nothing

and the passing moment

is a mysterious transition to emptiness;

to emptiness once again!

It is a torrent that flows

from nothingness to nothingness.

The moment you touch it

all tender hope,

as if by magic or enchantment,

becomes a memory,

a memory that grows fainter

and is finally lost;

is lost forever.

Oh Time, Time!

Repeat, oh my soul, yes repeat once again

the same old song,

the sad litany,

the never ending dirge,

the same old elegy

of how time passes

and is never the same again.

–

The ”Alas!” of the one who is suffering

this ancient grief

is always the same,

the same old lament;

repeating it gives consolation,

an unceasing rosary, like the rain

again and again, a hundred times…

Oh Time, Time,

relentless tyrant!

Oh terrible mystery!

Rigid torture rack of the human spirit!

How limited words are…!

Language is never enough to describe

our thirst for eternity;

it is too limited…

A terrible thirst,

a thirst that constantly weakens the soul

that contemplates the ocean,

– the immense ocean! –

which never satisfies our thirst;

it only fills our vision,

an immense ocean of bitter waves!

–

Images? They disturb the profound

nakedness of our lament,

embellishments that drown out

the single note that is deep and strong…

But, yes, images, different chords

that calm the melodic theme…

. . . . . . . . . . . .

It is the elegy that silence intones,

silence, language of the eternal,

while eternity exists

as the slave of time…

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Did you destroy your watch? Not enough!

Lay down and go to sleep… that is best;

immersed forever

in a profound sleep

you will have conquered time,

your implacable enemy!

Yesterday, today and tomorrow!

A chain of grief

with links of anxiety…

You grip the horse’s mane

with tense hands

refusing to let go

and it runs faster and faster,

a runaway horse;

the tighter you hold on

the more maddening is its passage!

–

Don’t mutter out of one side of your mouth,

fierce Saturn!

Enough now, that’s enough of your hours,

implacable enemy!

Stop this interminable drudgery

once and for all!

I want to escape from time;

exhausted, I want to finally

dissolve myself into the eternal

where yesterday, today and tomorrow

are only one moment

disconnected from the passage of time;

where a tender memory

is linked with hope

and merges with it;

where the never-quiescent waters

of the passing rivers

remain forever in a quiet lake;

where the soul can finally be

immersed in a bath of consolation

where Saturn dies;

where time is defeated.

 

(Fransisco Goya – Saturn Devouring His Son, 1819-1823)

 

* In ancient Greek and Roman mythology, Saturn (or Cronus/Kronos) was a titan (the titans predated the Greek/Roman gods) who castrated and overthrown his own father (Caelus/Uranus) and then he was eating his own children, because of a prophecy that he would be overthrown by one of them. This mythological figure’s meaning was later examined and analyzed by many (including Freud and Jung).

Some information about Cronus/Saturn:

 

https://www.tripsavvy.com/greek-mythology-kronos-1525980

Father Time: Chronos and Kronos

 

http://www.theoi.com/Titan/TitanKronos.html

 

https://www.theworldwonders.com/mythology/myths-legends3-cronus.html

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cronus

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturn_(mythology)

 

https://www.pantagruelista.com/blogeng/cronus-myth

 

https://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Classical_Mythology/Freudian_psychology

 

http://iws.collin.edu/mbailey/jungianarchetypes.htm

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GeneralPoetry & Art

Kostis Palamas – Agora (The Market Place)

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Just as dry summers pant for the first rain,

so thou art thirsty for a happy home

and for a life remote, like hermit’s prayer,

a corner of forgetting and of love.

–

And thirsty for the ship upon the sea

that ever onward sails with birds and sea-things,

filling its life with our great planet’s light.

But unto thee both ship and home said: ”No!

–

Look neither for the happiness remote

that never moves, nor for the life that ever finds

in each new land and harbor a new soul!

–

Only the panting of a toiling slave

for thee! Drag in the market place thy body’s

nakedness, strange to the strangers and thine own!”

 

From the poetry collection ”Life Immovable” (or ”The Motionless Life”), published in 1904. Translation by Aristides Phoutrides.

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Coping SkillsGeneralPoetry & Art

Miguel De Unamuno – Poems

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Muerte (Death)

 

To die to sleep… to sleep… perchance to dream.

(Hamlet, act iii, scene iv)

 

You are the dream of a God; when you awake

will you return to the womb where you were born?

Will you then be what you were before?

Will your death be a new birth?

–

Is this dream absent during wakefulness?

Luckily here the mystery assists us;

as a remedy of our sad life

our fate remains an inviolable secret.

–

Let your future remain hidden under the fog

and walk calmly as you take your last step;

the less light there is, the more certain you can be.

–

Is our sunset the dawn of another world?

Dream on, my soul, in your obscure path:

” To die to sleep… to sleep… perchance to dream.”

 

The Immortality of the Crab (Inmortalidad del Cangrejo)*

 

The deepest problem:

of the immortality of the crab,

is that a soul it has,

a little soul in fact…

–

That if the crab dies

entirely in its totality

with it we all die

for all of eternity

 

* The title of the poem is based on the Spanish phrase pensar en la inmortalidad del gangrejo (thinking about the immortality of the crab), which means that someone is daydreaming, is lost in thought, is pondering. There’s a similar phrase in Portuguese: pensar na morte da bezerra.

 

To Destiny (Al Destino)

 

When I struggle, calmness overwhelms me

hiding your secrets from me, Destiny;

don’t let me falter in my path, because

without questioning I obey you blindly.

–

Don’t give me time to complain or beg;

spur me on without stopping,

and, like a sleepless pilgrim, let me

carry with me the fire from my hearth.

–

I want to win my peace through war;

I want to conquer the impossible dream;

don’t let me rest from trying to shed light

–

on the enigma within your heart,

and when I return to the bosom of the earth

let me deserve an ever-lasting peace.

Miguel De Unamuno is probably the most important Spanish philosopher, novelist and poet of the 20th century. His most famous works are: The Tragic Sense of Life (1912), Poesias (Poems – 1907), Our Lord Don Quixote (1914), Saint Emmanuel the Good, Martyr (1930), Aunt Tula (1921), Cancionero (Songbook – 1953, published after his death).  He was born in Bilbao (1864) and died in Salamanca (1936).

 

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Reality is boring ! Real life is boring ! Real world is boring ! Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress !

by niki
written by niki

Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.

Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.

I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:

1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in Education). For a truly real progress, we must start to focus on much more important things. Try look up/google for Universal Basic Income (UBI), as well as Resource Based Economy (RBE), The Venus Project, & The Zeitgeist Movement, for starter.

2) We must seriously consider that there is a possibility that Humanity / Mankind will go extinct / extinction. Most probably caused by our own Ignorance & Stupidity, as well as Greed. Therefore, we must prepare for the worst possible scenario, and one best solution is to start building a system of selection for the best few candidates of Humanity / Mankind (10% of the planet’s population, for example), whom will continue the future of our Humans Species in the best, smartest, most intelligent, rational, logical, most creative, wisest, & most civilized as possible.

3) Finally, we must unleash our Human’s greatest & most important potential: Imagination. If reality is boring & very limited/limiting, then the only way for us is to start focusing quickly on how to enter the world of Imagination, and turn it into reality ASAP. Some very important technology that must be quickly developed are: Artificial Intelligence (AI), Virtual Reality (VR), Augmented Reality (AR), biological Mutations, entering our Consciousness into the vast Net, as well as Transhumanism. We must turn the wildest, most imaginative movies & video games for example like science fiction (sci-fi) into reality ASAP, for real progress.

Otherwise, we will be stuck in this boring reality everyday, repeating over and over again, & even it could get worse & worse!

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GeneralPoetry & Art

Endless winter

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Persephone’s nightmare

 

Lyrics (English translation):

Where once pennyroyal and wild mint grew
and the first cyclamen sprang up,
now peasants bargain on cement prise
and birds fall dead in melting furnace

Sleep Persephone
in earth’s embrace,
to this world’s balcony
never come up again

where once the mystics joined their hands
reverently before entering the sanctuary,
now passing tourists throw their cigarette butts
and go to see the new oil refinery

Sleep Persephone
in earth’s embrace,
to this world’s balcony
never come up again

where once the sea was blessed
and flocks and herds bleated joyfully in the fields,
now trucks carry to the shipyards
lifeless bodies, young workers and scrap metal

Sleep Persephone
in earth’s embrace,
to this world’s balcony
never come up again

 

 

-In Greek mythology Persephone was the daughter of Demeter, goddess of plant life, harvest and agriculture. Persephone was abducted by Hades, god of the Underworld, who wanted to marry her. It was eventually arranged that Persephone would spend the autumn and winter with Hades and be allowed to return to her mother every spring and summer. This myth was used to explain why no plants grow for six months every year: Demeter mourns for her daughter.

-In the video we see the city of Eleusis and its ancient site. Eleusis was the site of the Eleusinian Mysteries, which were initiations held every year for the cult of Demeter and Persephone.

-The song is symbolic. This world, as it is, isn’t a place for Persephone to be. This world has become a nightmare. Persephone must remain in the Underworld, spring will never come…

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.

by niki
written by niki

Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.

I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & can’t relate with most people anymore.

And I even can already predict in advance, that people will quickly spout out & say boring things like: “if you find Life / reality boring, then maybe it’s you who are boring, not this awesome, beautiful Life / reality.”

Bullshit.

People who said those words are, in my experience, either usually just stupid, naive, ignorant, and/or boring, lacking Imagination & even intelligence / not too smart.

Reality IS boring & depressing. Especially the more you know, learn, & observe it.

Have any of you heard the “Avatar syndrome” ? Google it. It’s basically the post-effects that many people apparently got, after watching the movie “Avatar” (James Cameron). It’s the feeling of depression, because they’re back to reality again, after watching (& experiencing) such magical, cool, awesome, mind-blowing, breath-taking, & beautiful ‘other-worlds’ of Avatar world.

I wish I live in Harry Potter world / universe , I wish Harry Potter was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Final Fantasy world / universe , I wish Final Fantasy was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Star Wars world / universe , I wish Star Wars was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Marvel Cinematic Universe , I wish Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU / MCEU) was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Avengers world / universe , I wish Avengers was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Lord of The Rings world / universe , I wish Lord of The Rings was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Naruto, One Piece world / universe , I wish Naruto , One Piece was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Mass Effect, World of Warcraft world / universe , I wish Mass Effect was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Skyrim world / universe , I wish Skyrim was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in World of Warcraft world / universe , I wish World of Warcraft was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in AOV (Arena of Valor) world / universe , I wish AOV (Arena of Valor) was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Kingdom Hearts world / universe , I wish Kingdom Hearts was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Mobile Legends world / universe , I wish Mobile Legends was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Ready Player One world / universe , I wish Ready Player One was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in The Matrix world / universe , I wish The Matrix was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in magical / magic world / universe , I wish magic was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in dragons world / universe , I wish dragons was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in fairy tales / faeries / fairies world / universe , I wish fairy faeries fairies was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in cyberpunk world / universe , I wish cyberpunk was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in fantasy world / universe / I wish fantasy was real / is real / really exist ,
etc etc etc

Reality is boring & depressing , & very limiting ! Real life is boring & depressing , & very limiting ! Real world is boring & depressing , & very limiting !

Fuck this boring reality ! Fuck this boring real life ! Fuck this boring real world !

I wish Virtual Reality (VR) , Augmented Reality (AR) really real & exist, and will progress much faster in those very important technology. Because I believe that Imagination is Humanity / Mankind ‘s most important potential, to turn into reality !

Otherwise, it’s probably better to just die, commit suicide, than to live / survive in this boring depressing life, world, & reality !

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

by niki
written by niki

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

Human’s imagination is better than reality !

Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi ) is better than boring science facts , reality , real life , real world !

I wish superpower / superpowers really real exist …
I wish superhero / superheroes really real exist …
I wish magic is really real exist …
I wish mythology is really real exist …
I wish science fiction ( sci fi ) is really real exist …

real world is boring ! real-world is boring !
real life is boring ! real-life is boring !
reality is boring !

I HATE REALITY !!
I HATE REAL LIFE !! I HATE REAL-LIFE !!
I HATE REAL WORLD !! I HATE REAL-WORLD !!

Reality sucks , boring , depressing , and very limited / limiting / many limitations !!

People / anyone / anybody who said reality is fun & interesting , real life is fun & interesting , real life is fun & interesting , are usually people lacking imaginations & creativity !

In real life / real world / reality , there is no dragons … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no magic … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no superpower / superpowers … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no dragon / dragons … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no spells , wizards , casts like Harry Potter , Lord of The Rings, Game of Thrones … !!
In real life / real world / reality , we can’t fly … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no time travel , time machine … !! We can’t go back to the past , or to the future … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no alien / aliens , cool gods , advanced extraterrestrial beings , other cool creatures with special powers , etc etc … !!

in real world / in real life / in reality , it’s all only about MONEY / business !!!!!! .. . . .
in real world / in real life / in reality , everything is about MONEY MONEY / business !!!!!! .. . . .

i hate money , I hate business , I hate jobs , I hate working , I hate work !!! …

and in real world / in real life / in reality , most people / Majority of people are stupid , shallow , superficial , fake , ignorant , boring !!

I wish Marvel Cinematic Universe ( MCU ) , Avengers is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Game of Thrones ( GOT ) dragons , Harry Potter , Lord of The Rings ( LOTR ) is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Star Wars , Star Trek is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Skyrim is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Naruto , One Piece , Bleach is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Sword Art Online ( SAO ) is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring!
I wish AOV is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Final Fantasy is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Kingdom Hearts is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish RPG is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish science fiction / sci-fi / scifi / sci fi is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Ghost in The Shell is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish The Matrix is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish cyberpunk is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish aliens is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish magic is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish superpower / superpowers is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish mythology is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish dragons is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish magic spells wizard is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish magic is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !

Most people are lacking imagination !
Majority of people are lacking imagination !
Most people are boring !

REAL LIFE IS BORING ! REAL-LIFE IS BORING & DEPRESSING / DEPRESSION !
REAL WORLD IS BORING ! REAL-WORLD IS BORING & DEPRESSING / DEPRESSION !
REALITY IS BORING & DEPRESSING / DEPRESSION !!!!!

better to die than live or living in this real world !!! …
better to die than live or living in this real life !!! …
better to die than live or living in this reality !!! …

FUCK REAL LIFE !!!!
FUCK REAL WORLD !!!
FUCK REALITY !!!

THIS REALITY IS BORING , REALITY SUCKS , & REALITY IS LIMITED / LIMITING / FULL OF MANY LIMITS / LIMITATIONS … !!!!

in this reality … sadly ,. I am just a loser failure in this Society of Humans & Money …

.

.

so again … Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
escape into imaginations … !!

if I can’t ,… then better suicide & die than live / living in this boring real world … !!!
if I can’t ,… then better suicide & die than live / living in this boring real life … !!!
if I can’t ,… then better suicide & die than live / living in this boring reality … !!!

..

.

.

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GeneralRants

Somebody Has to Take Responsibility

by Educateurself
written by Educateurself

Human race would not have suffered enormous amount of pain…if there would be no animosity between God and Satan. And God has to take responsibility for immortalising the Satan (devil). You can say whatever you want but the problem started from that point and in between the one who suffered or unfortunately will eternally suffer is human race.

There are lots of things to say but…Goodnight my fellows.

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Family & Friends EffectsGeneralMy Suicide NoteRantsStories of Hope

No Such Thing As Love

by ForeverLostAndLonely
written by ForeverLostAndLonely

I’ve wanted my life to end before. I’ve thought of ways I can do it that would have the least amount of impact on the people around me. My family would get over it. Relationships are hard for me so I don’t have any really close friends to worry about. I’ve tried counseling and I’ve taken medication. I’ve reached out to people when I’ve needed help. But you can only reach out to people so many times before you start bringing them down. That’s when they leave you. I’ve worked SO hard to hide this side of me from my boyfriend of two years. There have been times I have told him that I make myself throw up after I eat and that I just need him to be there to comfort me sometimes when I’m dealing with my anxiety but he has never once reached out to me to try and help. So I try even harder to hide it from him. To be just another person in the pews at church, just another person filling my car with gas, just another person smiling and have a great time with my co-workers. I’ve gotten pretty well at hiding it from just about everyone. I practically draw a smiling face on a paper bag and put it over my head as I walk out my door every morning.

My boyfriend of two years and I started in an unconventional way. A one night stand later turned into two years of a unstable and rocky relationship. The one thing that gives me an ounce of hope to is trying to picture my future. Including getting married. He is a devout Christian, and I have been too, but we can’t seem to have the Christian like relationship we want to have and to just behave if you know what I mean. That act of misbehaving together makes me fill so loved because he never expresses his feelings for me with words. So the misbehaving piece tends to fill the void. But of course, to him, afterwards it changes how he perceives me. I mean, why could he ever marry someone who claims to be a Christian yet has to beg for forgiveness from God for giving into her physical desires that make me feel loved. I thought we were passed this and that we were on the right track until he broke my heart and after weeks of asking me what colors I wanted the wedding to be, what season I wanted to get married and those sorts of things, he changed his mind. I messed up again in the need to feel loved and he can only look at me with shame. Yes, I realize it takes two to tango and that he is just as much to blame, but I still love them even though he isn’t perfect. I just wish he didn’t take that for granted.

I’m so tired of trying to build relationships that just fall apart. I’m so tired of having to put a happy face on for people. I’m so tired of asking for help. I just want it all to end. As guilty as I feel for even writing this post but I’m at the end of my rope and feel hopeless. I’ve prayed so many times but I always end up right back here. In a deep, dark hole that I can’t escape. The only way that I feel like I can escape is to simply let go…..

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality

by niki
written by niki

Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality

Movie / movies is better than reality / real life / real world
Video game / games is better than reality / real world / real life
Novel /novels is better than reality / real-life / real-world /
Sci-fi / Science-fiction is better than reality / reallife / realworld
Fantasy is better than reality / real world / real life
Anime / manga is better than reality / realworld / reallife
Dream / dreams is better than reality / real-world / real-life

I hate reality !!!!
Reality it’s all about MONEY !!!!!!
Reality is BORING !!!!
Real world is boring ! real-world is boring ! realworld is boring !
Real life is boring ! real-life is boring ! reallife is boring !

and people are stupid , ignorant , shallow , superficial !!

I wish I could live in Imagination
I wish I could live in movie / movies
I wish I could live in video game / video games
I wish I could live in novel / novels
I wish I could live in fantasy
I wish I could live in sci-fi /science fiction
I wish I could live in anime / manga
I wish I could live in dream / dreams

I wish I have superpower
I wish I could be a superhero / superheroes
I wish I could have MAGIC
I wish MAGIC exist / exists

because this REALITY is boring !! REALITY is just TOO FUCKING BORING !!
people who can’t see this are usually just stupid , unimaginative, dull / boring themselves , lacking / lack in imagination !

this real world / this real life / this reality is very LIMITED / LIMITING in what I can do / what we can do !!!!
it’s all about MONEY !!!
‘Success’ , everything is measured by MONEY !!! I hate Money !!!
We live in a very LIMITED / LIMITING real world / real life / reality EVERYDAY !!!!

Imagination is better than reality !!
Imagination is much better than reality !!! . . .

maybe I should just commit suicide , than living in this reality / real-world / real-life

I am a loser in this real world / I am a failure in this real-world
I am a loser in this real life / I am a failure in this real-life
I am a loser in this reality / I am a failure in this reality

.

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

i wish harry potter was real , i wish fantastic beasts were real , i wish magic was real , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist

by niki
written by niki

i wish harry potter was real really exist , i wish fantastic beasts were real really exist , i wish magic was real really exist , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist

because reality is boring , mundane , and limiting limited
because real world is boring , mundane , and limited limiting
because real life is boring , mundane , & limited limiting !

reality is all about MONEY !
real-life is all about Money !
real-world is all about Money !

Life is boring , mundane ,
movies is better than reality real life real world !
novels is better than reality real-life real-world !
comics is better than real world real life reality !
video games is better than real-world real-life reality !
MMORPG is better than real life real world reality !
manga is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime is better than reality reallife realworld !

Why human’s IMAGINATION is better than reality ??? …

here in our everyday ‘s reality , Life is all about MONEY !
and people are stupid , shallow , superficial , people are lacking imaginations , people are boring , dull , mundane !

(PS : i wish lucid dream is real lucid dreaming is real , astral projection is real astral travel is real , Virtual Reality like Sword Art Online is real , i wish dreams were real … because i hate reality , i hate real life , i hate real world ! it’s so boring , only for people who lack imagination & stupid )

does anyone agree ?
can anybody relate ?

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

I hate reality ! reality is boring ! Doctor Strange , Marvel MCU , Avengers , Sword Art Online , Virtual Reality , games , movies , novels , anime manga , comics is better than reality !

by niki
written by niki

I hate reality ! reality is boring !

Doctor Strange is better than reality !
Marvel MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) is better than reality !
Avengers is better than real world !
Sword Art Online is better than real life !
Virtual Reality is better than boring reality !
video games is better than reality real life real world !
movies is better than real-world real-life reality !
novels is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime manga is better than boring real life real world reality !
comics is better than boring real world real life reality !

Why Human’s Imagination is much better than reality ??
movies , games , MMORPG , novels , anime / manga , comics is better than reality real life real world ??

if God exist , then God is boring god !!! to create such a boring reality / boring real-life / boring real-world !!

In reality , it’s all only about MONEY MONEY MONEY !!!
or people / Humans are stupid , shallow , superficial , ignorant , that MOST / Majority of people only care about shallow & superficial mundane things like celebrities gossip , talking about other people , status / image / fame / popularity / how to be popular / famous , how to get girlfriend / boyfriend , have kids , talk about job career business profits Money blah blah blah !!

I’ve found that people who said that “No, reality is not boring , YOU are boring ! ” are usually people who lack imaginations & intelligence ( *real* intelligence) to be able to comprehend how *truly* boring REALITY is !

I wish that Virtual Reality (VR, eg: Oculus Rift) develop quickly ,
I wish Astral Projection , Astral Travel , Out of Body Experiences (OBE) , Lucid Dream / Lucid Dreaming is real ,
I wish Science develop quickly & much faster , I wish teleport / teleportation , time machine / time travel is real ,
I wish Artificial Reality is real ,
I wish AI (Artificial Intelligence) is real like in science fiction (sci-fi) movies novels comics games anime manga,
I wish parallel universe , multiverse , another dimension , another universe is real ,
I wish science fiction sci-fi is real ,
I wish Transhumanism / Transhumanist is real ,

… so I can leave this boring everyday reality / everyday boring real life / everyday boring real world !!!!

… if all those things are not real (aren’t soon becoming real) ,.. then I think it’s much better to commit suicide / die than live in this boring reality , LIMITED / LIMITING reality , mundane reality , dull reality , stupid reality , ridiculous reality , absurd reality , harsh reality , cruel reality , cold reality !!!

can anyone / anybody relate ?

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General

im so tired of everything

by peaceminusone
written by peaceminusone

m so tired.like seriously tired. I have the worst family,friends,luck,everything. Ive been through physical and emotional abuse from my dad. My dad is one pain in the ass,hes an alcoholic,he yells at everyone,he doesnt respect my mom and me. Etc etc etc the list could go on and on. I hate him i hate seeing him i hate hearing him i hate everything about him and i know some people would scold me for this because no matter what hes my dad but Ive done everything to be patient and understand him but i just fucking cant. I hate how he makes my mom suffer. My mom cant even leave him and I will mever understand why the fuck shes still staying with him. I love my mom but i just hate the fact that she doesnt think about what im feeling,what does she even think about me like Im a freaking robot or something. All she does is nag,dictate me in what I do and compare me to my freaking dad. She doesnt even encourage me and shes all I have,like shes all im trusting cause shes my mom.Ive been through a lot,ive been diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer and i just got a operation and i feel like shit. My whole body feels like shit and everything in this house is making me feel worse. My dad even scolded me for getting cancer on my thryoid,he said its karma for all the talking back i did to him. I dont even know what to think i just wish i was dead. What did i even do to deserve going through all of these. I cant even recall a happy memory that I can treasure since i was young. All i have is anger,fear etc etc. I grew up in a catholic family and All i could think about is i just wish god would stop torturing me. Like i wish he would give me a break.I wanna ask him what the hell he wants from me. I honestly dont even know anymore. Im just so fed up and im so fucking tired of everything.

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Chronic PainGeneralMy Suicide Note

The end of Aegus

by Al1
written by Al1

The son of the ocean god drowning in the sea….Something mildly poetic about that, but yes I digress many upon this website wish to die so badly that none can save them that only have depression and have hit a miserable spiral, but I suffer from a mixture of Asperger’s syndrome along with social anxiety disorder….Yes you can see my issue and how screwed I truly am.

I have a aptitude for chemistry and know by which means I wish to die….Hydrogen sulphide obtained through a collection from a condenser so thus the parallel to the god above in that I am a chemist wishing to die to my own chemistry, that is not me I have the apparatus set up before me but I don’t deserve such a easy exit I will use a rope because why should I make myself end easily while I make so many left behind suffer…..but why am I here you ask ?

First I want to know if anyone has a dead man switch program that will message everyone goodbye when I am gone and how much I enjoyed their company on Facebook or any social media of choice

And second….I just….I guess……I am trying to see if someone gives a shit….I have tried so hard to be normal and attempt to socialize but my social hindrances caused by my syndrome that I keep fighting over and over just comes back and keeps pushing people away…..My girlfriend got freaked by my issues and I tried so hard, but either way I was too much of a freak and she ended up leaving me….My one and only friend moved who could tolerate me….which left me Al1, Sorry alone with no job,future or company and while I have my cat…..She is not really one for aiding the suicidal

Your’s truly Al1

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General

Advice!

by Dodgeem
written by Dodgeem

I’m 46. I was a child of 2 sexual abusers for years. Ok! I had to finally accept that in my adulthood. I dealt with domestic violence abuse from someone that was suppose to love my children and I. I protected my children the best I knew how. After dealing with it for 8 years, I finally found a way out for my children and I. I attended college for 2 years and eventually married. I raised my 3 and his 2, but tragically in 2007, I lost a child to post bmt. I busted my ass everyday to try to save her with hardly any support from family members or friends. I was heading for a divorce and jugging the kids stuff at home. I lost her 1 year after diagnosis. Now 9 years later, I miss her like the first day she left me. I suffer from chronic pain daily. I want my physical and mental pain suffering to stop. I’ve talked to my loved ones and of course they say to speak to someone, and don’t leave. I’ve been going to counseling for years and take medication daily. It don’t help. I’m exhausted. 

I’ve finally found a possible solution. I have always been an advocate for organ donation. It’s on my drivers license and medical papers. When I commit suicide, I want my good organs to help someone in need. I don’t want to hear about your religion beliefs please. God gave them to me and I do as I please. I know if I take my  medicine (od) the organs will not be good. Heck! I just realized they might not use them cause of my medication use. I know my blood work is all good. My <3 is good. Anyways, I need to get my orders straight. Does anyone have advise? What are the rules on suicide donation of organs in the United States?

Like I said I have years of wasted counseling!!!! No need to try to talk me out of this.

I don’t feel selfish. I’m no good to anyone anymore. I’m in pain all of the time. I can’t do chores and I’m so unhappy. I try so hard to be with the kids, grandkids, my husband, and my family. The pass trauma hunts me. I start crying for no reason in front of everyone. My children bring up the past. I’m done. Like I said I am exhausted. I want peace. I want someone else to live and maybe they can find better happiness then I have.

 

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Reality is boring , real life is boring , real world is boring , not like movies, comics, novels, anime manga, video games !

by niki
written by niki

Reality is boring
real-life is boring
real-world is boring
not like movies, comics, novels, anime manga, video games !

also,
I hate Humans , Humans suck
I hate Human , Human suck
I hate Humanity, Humanity suck
I hate people , people suck

Most humans / people only think about Money ,
and this reality is boring !
reallife is boring !
realworld is boring !

people / humans are so shallow, superficial, stupid, ignorant
Humanity is hopeless

if there is God , then God is boring !
even Science is boring too !
Science fiction (Sci-fi) is much more interesting than real Science facts !

why we can’t live in movie / movies , video game / video games , comics / comic books , anime , manga ??
I wish superheroes exist
I wish superpower exist
Human’s Imaginations is much more interesting than reality / real-life / real-world !!

I want to live in X-Men , Avengers , Marvel’s superhero / superheroes comics / comic books , Batman v Superman , Sword Art Online , Naruto , Bleach , One Piece , Warcraft , DOTA , Star Wars , Game of Thrones , Harry Potter , Lord of the Rings , etc etc !
Human Imaginations is more interesting than real life / real world / reality !!

I wish Virtual Reality (VR) , Transhumanity / Transhuman project , Mutants / Mutations , Space Travel , Time Travel / Time Machine , Teleport / Teleportation technology , Telepathy , Lucid Dream / Lucid Dreaming , Astral Projection , Aliens are real !

bye bye boring reallife
bye bye boring realworld
bye bye boring reality

Suicide is better than boring Reality !

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