This is the first time I have visited this site and I am not sure whether to feel relieved that I am not the only one feeling hopeless and suicidal, or if I should be afraid that there are so many of us out there.
I will be turning 30 in September and I have been struggling with depression since I was 15. Â I had my first suicide attempt when I was 17, came very close to
dying had it not been for my grandmother. Â I wish I could say things got better as the years passed by, but they didn’t. Â I kept on getting up every time I fell but you can only get up so much.. I have been in an out of psych wards, therapy, and meds, only to realize that this is it. Â Perhaps I am fighting a losing battle, after all
it has been 15 years of pain and a glimmer of hope- hope that things would eventually get better only to have them get worse. Â The grandmother who saved my life and whom I adored so much is no longer around to save me.. she passed in March, in my arms. Â Even though I have been around death before I have never felt it so close as when I held my dying grandmother in my arms and saw her take her last breath. Â All I wanted was to go with her.. to finally be at peace and no longer suffering.
2 comments
You should be afraid because not this many people deserve this. You dont either. I understand why you want to leave, but you cant. I admire you for staying so strong for a long time, and i need you to keep going. Things do get better and it might take awhile as you know, but you’re happiness will come. And you should be there waiting with open arms to take that happiness. Stay strong please and find some help. You dont deserve to suffer. 🙂 no one does.
That sounds like a great huge burden to carry, having all those problems and having to hold your grandmother while she passed. It can’t be easy, I can only try to imagine your pain.