[ [ Â Well, this is my first day on this website, and my first entry. I shall start my diary here, as it will only last about a month until my suicide date should (hopefully) take place at the end of this August. I know that many people will not read this, but I shall still post these entries. And so, I begin my very first post. Â ] ]
There’s a girl. She doesn’t know how to handle things. Everything and anything is just spiralling beyond her control, and nothing is going right.This girl has  two secrets, ones which you would never guess if you just met her. She hides them so well. She seems so happy, all the time. Do you want to know her secrets? She cuts herself and is suicidal. She doesn’t know why. She doesn’t grasp the concept of how suicide came into her thoughts, nor why her desire to commit it grows stronger and stonger with each passing day. She doesn’t understand why she resolved to self harm it in the first place. One thing she does know; she can’t stop either. But why? When she feels out of control, plagued with emotion, cutting helps her to calm down; to uncloud her mind and be able to think. But, at the same time, she feels so numb, empty. When she becomes so overwhelmed with hurt and sadness, knowing an actual suicide date for herself helps her to somehow deal with the day’s painful events. However, one day, she slipped up. One of her secrets spilled out into the world. Now everybody knows of her self harm. Now, she can see it in their eyes when they look at her cuts and scars. They’re judging her; they think they’re better than her because they have no self-inflicted marks on their body. And that makes her worse; they are a small portion of fuel for her addiction. Yet, there’s still that flitter of hope in her mind; August. She knows everything will stop then. Nothing else will ever be able to hurt her then. She just needs to hold on until August. There’s a girl. This girl has two secrets, ones which you would never guess if you just met her. Do you want to know who this girl is? Me.Â
— Georgiee xo
3 comments
When did the cutting start? And why did you choose the end of August? What is its significance?
I could tell you that you are worth more than you give yourself credit for. I could tell you that I wish you would not follow through with your plan for August. I could tell you that there are many people out there, even as young as you, who are going through something similar as you. And all of this is true. But I suppose, those words won’t mean much to you now. You are not weak. A lot of people you encounter may not know how you feel. They don’t listen because they are afraid. So indulge me. Tell me more of your story, please, if you will. Whatever happens in the end, I want to know what you are thinking today. I want to know the story of today in your life. So let’s focus on today. Let’s not jump too far ahead. I hope you realise, you have someone to talk to now. Someone who is willing to listen to your stories.
The cutting started in 2011 shortly after I found out my Nan was diagnosed with cancer; I don’t know why I resolved to self harm for that, I guess it was because I felt guilty that she had something seriously wrong with her and I didn’t. I tend to cut more when something bad happens to someone. Guilt just overwhelms me. August.. Well, I would do it sooner, however my Mum is relying on me to go to a wedding with her on August 17th; and I just can’t stand the thought of letting her down with it. I chose the 31st because then I would have time to get everything ready and decide what I’m going to do about my family regarding a note/video and whether I should leave them anything.