The person trying to make everyone happy is the most lonely

you see that title? thats a quote i picked that quote of the internet because it sounds mostly like me….

It hurts because its true i am that lonely person when i was in school people who didnt know anything about me would look at me and i would seem the hyper one in that class i was happy and thats because i wanted people to see me like the happy one and the hyper and crazy one yeah it worked it was a good way to not show anybody i was most of all trying to keep everyone smiling whenever my friend is down i would always go to my friend first before myself because i would always help and i ended up making them happy i was the one there for them i was that person who would do anything just to make them better yes they was like me they was cutting they was in pain with their lives but i was that person who stuck there to pick them up nobody knew me sometimes i would be sad and they would help pick me up again but in the end i was mostly there for that one friend who stabbed me in the back yep just because i said no she turns round and says your anorexic and cut over nothing but thats the thing she cuts to i could say exctly the same thing about her but thats the thing NOBODY knows what that person is going through nobody sees them in their room crying out in pain nobody sees that person cut nobody knows what inside is really like and you know what i hate her for saying that cause i do not cut over nothing and im defently not anorexic but you know why i say that because i dont wanna be anorexic i have eating problems i cant eat 3 meals a day without feeling that guilt so i like to eat one but most of all its the calories that brings on that guilt and i say im not anorexic because there is actully anorexic people who cant eat anything who are hurting because of one bit of food and my heart goes out to them and same to people who are depressed and are stuggling more then me my heart goes out to them to they deserve happiness they deserve to be okay they deserve to have somebody give them a hug cause i would be that person thats right the one to try to make everyone happy i will be that person i am that person but most of all im alone i had 3 best friends who knew about me who knew about my eating who tried to help but ended up making me hurt even more that one friend called me anorexic and cutting over nothing like i said up the top…that second friend left me to hang out with somebody else which i dont mind because its called moving on growing up so now i have that one friend in my life who hasnt left but its like shes not there because i spend my days alone sometimes we would hang out but mostly because i havent got those 3 friends i am that person alone but thats the thing those strangers who only knew your name looked at me and saw a happy person but what they didnt know is that im the most lonely person now trying my hardest to be okay but end up breaking im seeing a therpist now and she asked me if i wanna go on anti depressants called sertraline but would they help? would they make me no longer feel like this? i dont know but what i do know is i am alone…..

yep thats the thing nobody knows you when they see you nobody knows that your now alone and defently now that friend who said i cut and im anorexic over nothing does not understand or does not know that im alone and actully feel upset and is might be going on anti depressants because of how i feel that friend does not know how much they hurt me and same with that other friend now that she left she does not know anything….

but thats the thing i was that person who helped them before i helped myself i still am i have this cousin who i talk to on facebook because shes in a different country so we dont see eachother but i was crying my eyes out and guess what she sent me a message saying she gives up and you know what i did i asked her what was wrong and i talked to her helped her but thats the thing i was the one crying my eyes out and i was that one nobody knew not even my cousin and i helped her instead of myself i made her happy and theres other times where i would be upset someone would text me and say hey you okay? and i would say yes even though im upset because they cant help me they cant pick me up and its not that i dont let them its that i know they will never understand i relayed on them 2 friends who are now gone to finally pick me up i opened up to them and guess what they ended up hurting me so i dont trust people but thats the thing im seeing a therapist who knows about things but theres something inside thats making me feel unsafe and the therapist is nice to me but because i have been hurt before i no longer trust so easily and its annoying because now my mum is having a go at me because she knows im keeping things from her that i havent told her but thats the thing i cant open up i cant tell her everything i cant trust nobody because i will be hurt. right now im writing this and crying and thats the thing nobody sees that your crying and all of you people reading this u will know im crying but thats the thing you do not see me you do not see that pain in my eyes and trust me this is a message to you guys who are in pain i know your in pain i know how u feel dont give up because theres people out who believes in you like me i dont see you so i dont see that pain in your eyes i dont see you crying but i hope one day you will be okay and you are happy and to those people who have had it worser then me im not trying to be worse but i know there is people out there who has had it more worser then me and like i said my heart goes out to them. <3 i care about you all