went out today. first time this summer holiday. wore a midi dress for the first time this year but felt too exposed and walked around for 3 hours with my wool shawl pulled and hugged tight against my body in the sweltering heat. Today i was being judged to see if he wants me as part of his possy, so to speak. my best friend is part of the group, she said they’re nice and friendly. i didnt notice though, i was too absorbed in my anxious thoughts, looking out for people from school that i’d have to hide from. People make me uncomfortable. he tried to High five me when i got all the pins down, but i just stood there bewildered… I’ve never been high fived before… no one has touched me since i was a kid unless theyve wanted IT from me…
i got home and cryed for over an hour. I just want to be held again, hugged and not be scared or confused. i want to be normal. i want to be accepted for who I am plus the quirks.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
You should adapt a new trait that satisfies your need to be touched in a friendly way. Next time when some one goes to high five you.. Tell them you want a hug..like with a straight face. People love that kind of friendly humor. Become a hugger yourself..tell people your trying it out.
You gotta move past all that past! It’s just gonna slow you down.
Just wanted to suggest a few things. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
good job going out. I know how hard it is sometimes. you were brave and you did it. give yourself some credit for that, love.