I really don’t know what i am doing here today… feeling empty inside as usual.. dunno if i am here coz i want to die or coz i want to drive out the emptiness and start a new life… with all the existing things. I don’t even understand what I am saying, so i don’t expect anybody else to understand or help me out…. all of this is Karma, i guess… I had opportunities and choices and i ruined my life by passing up the opportunities and making the wrong choices again and again…
Is there a redemption for me? I don’t want to hear about god… not because i have anything against god… but because i believe that it is our actions that shape our life… most probably there could be a power that is guiding everything but the choices are ours to make… and my choices have been bad so far…
I am so tired… physically and mentally… i just know that this emotional eating spree i get into so often is doing a lot of damage… ifit would just kill me all of a sudden it would have been fine but that never happens… i am overweight, bordering obesity…
i sometimes wish i could go up a cliff and throw myself down and be dashed to pieces. Gross… but it would be the end of everything… but it is not that easy… there sure is something called the self preservation gene and it is quite a strong one too, i guess… or for all you know i am just raving mad…..
3 comments
I know how you feel because I have been there soooo many times. I use to think that I too am being punished by God for doing things because of other logical factors that allowed me to do bad things.
God is a forgiving God and talk to him and he listens to your words and hear your tears even louder. I have worked with morbidly obese before and if at anytime you feel the need to call, please do 408 608 4441. I bet you are more beautiful than you realize and don’t look at what is wrong, find something that is right like you hair, skin, the fact you can walk, etc. Sometimes that helps me to realize that there are some good, not always. Call me, I am not doing anything.
Oh, and don’t at your past actions, think about your forward ones. Take it one step at a time but look forward. Think about it, our eyes are in front to allow us to look forward, our ears are facing forward so we can hear the positive voices, are legs moves us forward, our arms only bend upward and out, most of us can only bend forward. It is so hard to look ahead with a wounded past and not let the past define you. I bet you are so beautiful.
If you need somebody to talk to let me know. My e-mail is Bravid777@gmail.com