I’ve thought of suicide a lot because of social anxiety and shame but I’ve never actually attempted suicide. I feel like I don’t have it that bad but feel that if I was pushed a little further I might end up ending myself. I haven’t felt so scared in my life.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
7 comments
I understand how you feel. Social anxiety is a big issue with me also. Nothing I’ve tried in my over five decades has worked to fix it. It’s one of many reasons I want to off myself. Loneliness sucks. I hope you can find a way to improve your situation!
If it “wasn’t that bad” I wouldn’t choose ending my life. It’s like when you have a paper cut. You don’t get major surgery for it because its not necessary. However, when you have a 10′ inch wide 6′ inch deep wound and its infected and festering. You need appropriate treatment a band aid just won’t cut it. There isn’t a day that goes by that I feel normal. Everyday is a new repeat of the previous day that is a dreadful cycle.
Perhaps what you need to do is try to surround yourself with understanding individuals who will make you feel more at ease, and whom you can be yourself with. I struggle with this problem myself, but when I spent my days with people who I felt were on my level, it would gradually dissipate. Anxiety can make you act in ways that make you feel ashamed of yourself, but remember – it’s not your fault. No matter how anxious or shy you may feel at times, know that people who accept you, and whom you can feel some measure of self-confidence around, will barely notice any of the faults which seem so obvious to you now.
I think the worst part is the shame I feel. Sometimes I feel like the life I’m living isn’t real and that there isn’t any point to what I’m doing.
I am all too familiar with that feeling, myself. However, perhaps life is pointless for everyone – and still, people manage to have lives in which they’ve done everything they could to make it enjoyable for themselves. I think that’s what you need to focus on – find hobbies, things that you enjoy, or develop skills which you will be proud of having. Once you can occupy your time, you won’t have to think about – is this leading anywhere? It honestly does not matter if what you do leads to some grand ‘end.’ Do what you like, and take pride in your accomplishments.
You’re afraid of death which is a clear indication that life has some meaning to you. A will to live is an essential piece of getting back on your feet and moving past the dark hole that suicidal ideation and depression is. The question you need to ask yourself is ‘Do I want to live? Why or why not?’
I can empathize with you and many here on the social anxiety part, I have a hard time verbalizing my thoughts and panic whenever forced to interact with others face to face. I know this is a question that everyone asks and it’s not the answer for everyone, but are you on medication? I’m on a few different things to treat my anxiety and I have found that they take the edge off of it. Medication doesn’t work for everyone and some have a moral disagreement with that method of treatment, but there isn’t much to lose, especially if you’re at the point of considering suicide because of your anxiety.
Yeah, I feel you with the shame as well. For myself personally it stems from my belief of inadequacy, low self esteem and the feelings of perpetual failure. Because I haven’t conquered this myself, the only advice I can give is to think clearly and truly evaluate yourself from a realistic standpoint. It’s hard to separate emotions from reality, I know. These are also some questions you could ask yourself. Why am I ashamed? Is this a viable reason to be ashamed? Are you sure others can perceive it (which would be why they would ostracize you based on the reason you’re ashamed)? You’ve still got some hope, hang in there 🙂
i’ll admit that i need some help, and that in the past i’ve been reluctant to get help which is the biggest mistake anyone can make. i haven’t taken medication because i used to think it was for weak people (no offense to anyone) but now i think differently.
the biggest reason i feel ashamed is probably because i always feel scared… it mostly stems from social anxiety.