How often would you say that you visit SP? How often do you feel that you need it to get through the day?
For me..I’ve been checking on this site at least twice a day at minimum but more often I’m here periodically through out the day. That’s been my normal daily routine for the past 6 weeks I think.
I’ve been needing to express myself for a long time now, having to hold a lot of my thoughts and frustrations inside, in my real life. I already bother everyone with my constant ranting, it seems.
I need this site most when I’m just sitting around in the evenings because me and my wife just sit on the couch most times and I’m a kind of person that needs mental stimulus almost constantly, or I will explode. My spinal cord is being squeezed tight by the bones in my spine, so it is always causing tension, pressure, and pain, lots and lots of pain especially when I drive. I also need this site when I’m at work. My job is so strenuous mentally and physically that my supervisor and my boss have instructed me (personally) to take a break when ever I feel the pressure is too overwhelming. SP has been a GREAT GREAT place to take my mind off things at work for a moment and calm my nerves with some reading, relating, and a smoke. So I’m grateful at this point that I have this site for that reason.
I found my way to SP after I concluded that I need help with my mental state, but knowing I’d never go see a shrink.
44 comments
I just started last week, seems to be in spurts so far. I won’t go on everyday but when I do go on it is for quite a while.
Ohh..I thought you’ve been here for a while and just haven’t been back for some time.
I typically have a browser window open with SP. When I get on my computer, I refresh that window to see what’s been posted.
I wish I was computer smart! But alas.. The iPhone was invented especially for techno flakes like me! lol I’ve never even owned a computer! The only thing I can understand about my wife’s laptop is that its shiny! 😉 hehe
@that.road-
Hey, what times is it where you are?
Hi RT30 – I’m in the US so it’s Thursday evening.
Oh ok..same here!
Cool, RT30! 🙂 SP is nice in the sense that there are people from everywhere here!
How often? Very.
In fact, i suppose i should take another leave of absence soon.
It’s mostly the fact that the things shared by people i encounter here, often provoke deep and meaningful contemplation… which i probably abuse as yet another source of distraction, but feels like a benefit to my own mind, in many ways. That, and, i don’t really have any friends… and i’m not sure i even want any. Those of you whose interactions i enjoy, i suppose are close enough to “friends” for me. Plus, you’re all at a relatively safe distance, so none of us can hurt each other. ^^
@That.road-
Yeah! lol
I have been on one social media site in the past. It was nice while it lasted, way back then. But I recently I went back to see if posting there would help me, but it has turned into an all out “wanna fuck” site. Totally not my style! I really needed this place and really glad I can say what I really feel here. It’s helping me in all the right ways I feel.
Otherwise I’d be that bottle holding back the mento everyday! lol
I’d say that I consider you a friend now clevername. You really make me think. I think about you and a few others throughout my everyday, sometimes just wondering how life is on the other side of the computer. In my mind I picture you looking similar to my old friend Tim who I worked with. Except he talked with a stutter!
Hi RT30… I hear ya! Facebook, at this point, is a necessary evil. I’ve joined and quit Facebook more times than I’ve eaten… ok, maybe not that many… but you get the idea. If I remember correctly, there is a way to post on Facebook and set your posts to “only me” so that nobody else can read them. Sometimes it helps to keep a journal that, even though nobody else can read, allows you to get it out of your system.
SP is truly a great site… in more ways than one.
I don’t stutter, but my speech is not quite as articulate as my writing, though i do still tend toward the verbose. I also have an unfortunate southern-drawl, but not nearly as pronounced as most other people in my area. You can actually understand what i’m saying, unless i choke on my own saliva while speaking, or fumble a word. It happens. I wish i could speak how i write. But i still sometimes get asked where i’m from, by people from this same area, even though i was born here, and haven’t lived anywhere but “the south.” I can do a pretty decent redneck impression. I think the “squidbillies” is hilarious.
How’s life on the other side? Well… “not good.” I suppose at this particular moment there is nothing “bad” happening, but doom looms on the horizon. I was just informed we may lose power due to lack of funds, in a few days. There is no comfort. Home isn’t “home.” Everyone here wants to be elsewhere, but none of them could make it on their own; especially me. I wish i could find acceptable employment, but it’s not an option for me. I wish i could do something to make any money at all, but it has to be enough to justify the effort. Some people might think that’s “stupid” or whatever… but that’s my bottom line. I don’t want to hate my life, be forced to do things i hate, just to survive to feel terrible every day. They say everyone has a price… so i suppose mine is higher than most, because i’m not willing to subject myself to bitter agony without it providing the chance to change and advance. I decided a long time ago that it’s wrong to willingly destroy myself for no reason, in pursuit of impossible or unattainable goals. My minimum acceptable goal is being self-sufficient with a chance to advance. Below that is beneath me. Why? Because i said so. I don’t think that’s unreasonable or lofty at all. I’m not demanding a billion dollars to get out of bed in the morning. I just want a living wage that’s worth the effort to maintain it. I cannot settle for less than that. If the only other option is suicide… well, that’s how i ended up here.
I also always keep a window with SP open when I’m on the internet ….This site has given me what the real world can’t….understanding….compassion….and empathy. I like the different views and thoughts from people. Most of the regular users I see like You , killswitchon, clevername, renobill and a few others make me think and give me something to distract me from my constant barrage of suicidal thoughts. Even after I have passed and gone on I am thankful that there are people who don’t judge but just listen and empathize with you. This site is what FB and twitter could never be… its a place where public opinion and societies rules don’t matter. If any of these thoughts were expressed on those sites you would get a load of judgmental and harsh comments but here its different. SP is amazing and I hope it lasts until the end of the world.
lol I remember the first time I heard the words “Facebook”, my first thought was..
“Ok..a photo album on the internets?” lol
@clever-
That’s really sad to know, that things aren’t going well on top of the usual. The things you say really bring images to my mind..like when you said earlier about contemplating the water analogy when you mentioned having a smoke and coffee. Idk why things like that stand out to me. I don’t think your bottom line is stupid and I don’t think you’re lazy. It’s only because I need to feel torture that I work so hard the way I do. My body is fucked, but I’m compelled to prove that I am more than human. This is most likely because in reality my body is small and frail in structure and I can’t gain weight at all. I’ve broken over 23 bones in my life. Physical pain is a joke to me now, there is nothing that can take it away. My suicide ideals revolve mostly around pushing the physical and mental limits till my body gives out suddenly or the world consumes me with it’s evil minions.
@PainNlife- you stand out to me when I think of SP also! And I often wonder how your normal day goes and who are the kind of people that surround you in your real life.
When Facebook first came out, I was perfectly happy with Myspace and I didn’t see the need for it. Then I went over to Facebook to have a look…. and I soon left Myspace behind. 🙂
FB is like a developmental center for narcissism. Back when I had one people use to get in arguments with friends and family over absolutely nothing. Honestly, I was content with MySpace until everyone migrated to FB then I had no choice.
My normal day is abnormal to the normal person. Most of my time is spent in my own little hell or on SP with you guys. Sadly, in reality I’m a loner and I don’t interact with anyone…for now I guess SP is my social circle until I do what I need to do.
I’ve been here for well over a year, the site’s grown on me. I used to check here frequently, but now it just harbors a darker connotation which reminds me of how disconsolate and desolate my life is and has been for so long.
I’ve met so many wonderful folks here, it’s unfortunate how some of the most brilliant and interesting people contemplate such a dark decision and are under the torment of suicidal-inducing circumstances.
I’ve learned much from the stories and experiences described here, they’re fascinating and unique in a sad way of course.
I originally came here after researching ways to commit the act, but since the posts that were primarily geared towards educating people of those procedures have been taken down, I mostly just lurk and comment from time to time. I originally went under a different alias, but now prefer to stay anonymous to separate anything personal from SP.
It’s great to hear from you RealTalk, I read your posts and comments from time to time and you seem like a nice fellow.
“FB is like a developmental center for narcissism.”
LOL! Awesome. That should be spread web-wide.
I was coerced into facebook, by someone i thought cared for my well-being. Since i realized that was false, i have barely used facebook, and have often considered deleting it… or perhaps starting a huge controversial flame war within my extended family, with some truths i know they’d prefer not to acknowledge. Sometimes i start to feel a bit antagonistic… but i usually refrain. It’s kinda fun to think about how it would go, though.
Thank you stendarr, I remember seeing you more when I first came here I think! 🙂
But sorry this site isn’t being what you need it to be lately.
Unfortunately I trashed all my posts because I was going to leave the site. But I’ve learned I need to stay here and continue my purpose and continue my own therapy.
I’ve got a whole back-up list of post topics just waiting for the right time.
I’ve deleted Facebook too many times to count. I said the last time I deleted it that it would be the last time. A few weeks later, I was back. Now I just keep it. I’ve given up on losing it. Part of me misses the old Myspace but Facebook has a nicer layout.
lol I once had a “MySpace” account but after the first day I looked at my photos and thought.. “Dude..your the biggest loser on here!” And when it started getting popular I was glad that I stayed away. I chose a small community site and stuck with it for a couple years. Then Facebook came along. That’s when I learned that people can actually face a lot of drama just for having this kind of main stream “profile”. I’ve been against social media ever since. But this site has everything I need and none of the extra beacon! 🙂
It is though….People love to talk about themselves and post pictures every second…but I actually still have my old MySpace ….Well technically I don’t since they changed it to the pile of shit that it is now. As for FB? I can’t deal with it. Its like nobody acknowledges reality on there. If I said something out of the “politically correct” view of family or friends or even random strangers they always had something to say like I don’t have a right to voice an opinion. Like when Barack was being reelected I voiced my (negative) opinion of him and the nut jobs came from all corners of the earth. I said nothing derogatory I just highlighted his frequency to not keep his word.
I only discovered SP earlier this week, but already I feel a connection with many of the other posters. As I have had no social life for over a year, I think I’ll probably be utilizing this site whenever I wish to interact with like-minded people. It honestly does give me some relief to know that I am not the only one who is going through difficult times and questioning their life, and to know that I am not as ‘abnormal’ as I may have thought.
I don’t even know what the big deal is about Facebook all around the world. I get “youtube”, but just don’t understand the value of Facebook besides another avenue of commercialism. lol btw..I don’t have cable tv either!
No cable TV? Well…. Between YouTube, and Hulu, and the network sites, more and more video is being put on the web. I pretty much watch news and sports… and there are apps to watch live video. My MLB subscription is well worth the money to watch the Yankees from a distance.
It’s the communication that is Facebook’s big draw… although I think it goes overboard for some. I really don’t need to re-connect with someone I haven’t seen since kindergarten. But I still get Friend Requests from that time period… lol.
It would just creep me out if anyone from my past found me. lol
Oh, and I deactivated my FB about a year ago. Occasionally I go on just to check on people, but I always deactivate it afterwards. I probably look like a creep (I’ve deleted all info from my profile page), but I don’t even care because aside from the couple of people I actually spoke to, no one has tried to contact me or see how I’m doing. And now there’s no one I talk to who I have on FB, lol (with the exception of my siblings). I have less than 100 friends left, and I deleted a bunch of people the other day because I could barely remember who they were, or because I didn’t think I’d ever talk to them again. I always tended to delete people who I hadn’t spoken with in a while and was never good friends with. It’s possible I offended some in the process, but whatever. Now, if I ever run into anyone, I’ll just tell them I deleted my account. Not that anyone will care. I’m a person who could die now and the only people who’d show up at a memorial would be my parents, siblings, and a few of my parents’ friends. Ha. If anyone I used to know found out they’d probably say, “Oh, that’s a shame,” but think nothing more. Including my ex, most likely. Ah well.
I have no problem with people from my past finding me… There is a big difference between sending a Friend Request and having a Friend Request approved. lol
“Stay connected with friends/family” is the gimmick. The world’s, what, 2nd largest ad revenue engine, behind google? That’s the reality. You can actually buy ads (/rent space) on FB and try to sell stuff to a targeted market. It has one of, if not /the/ highest unique daily view count of any site. If you want your product seen, facebook (and google too). There are plenty other ways to stay in touch with people who actually matter.
As for the “global” facebook appeal… i think it’s one of those double-standards, where everyone wants to be like america, while acting like america is so terrible. Or maybe people just like a centralized place to stay in touch. Idk.
You can create Friend Lists on FB, Persephone… so that different people can see different content. For example, my everyday friends can see all my pictures, posts, Likes, etc. People I rarely speak to can only see some of my albums or posts. If someone spams my profile or acts like an idiot, I have a Friend List for them… it basically lets them see nothing until we discuss the issue.
I’ll give Facebook credit… They have a pretty good content management system.
I think FB and Twitter are just fronts that serve nothing more than two purposes. 1. To spy on people and see what they are doing because people post every aspect of their day on these sites and 2. They serve as a public consensus so when things happen they can see how people react and what they need to do to control the masses. I really don’t think they serve any other purpose…. and yea really these days more and more online services are being offered… in the future maybe T.V all together will become obsolete and there will only be internet channels
The #1 purpose for FB and Twitter? $$$$ All that user and demographic information is worth a fortune.
Yeah I forgot about that. That allows for specific advertising targeting. You like a page that says “I love fishing” next time you log in you see all types of ads for fishing gear all over the screen.
Exactly, PainNlife… Advertising revenue is where it’s at. It took a little while for them to capitalize on member data and usage patterns… but they’re definitely on top of it.
I use Twitter to talk about my various interests and rant about stuff. I used to have a social aspect to Twitter, and talked with a lot of people I didn’t know IRL, but then I started posting about how lonely I was, etc. (mainly for the attention of my ex, stupid move I know, but he did the same thing), until I was too ashamed about revealing my misery, and gradually stopped using my account so much. It’s currently deactivated, but I have a private account where I don’t censor myself, kind of like an online journal. I only started that last month, and don’t really have followers yet, which is fine because then no one has to deal with my mood swings and how I’ll go from relative cheerfulness to becoming angry with the injustice of my situation and hating everything. I kind of need this outlet since I have no one to talk to.
Regarding the original question – i’m pretty much here daily although i take breaks away form SP for a bit at times … I don’t “need” to be here anymore for the most part. But i’ve become comfortable here and i like interacting with some of the posters here and giving a little guidance now and then when i can be relevant.
SP help me keep perspective on the world in that there are always people who have a more difficult go of things than i do … but then the younger ones remind me of the difficulties i’ve long since overcome. I try to “pay it forward” by offing some insight to folks who are on an uncharted path to them … but it’s a path i already traveled
Whether i need any therapy – that can be debated – but i suspect no one would really consider me anything but normal and well adjusted – unless i was to bring up my philosophies and stances on suicide and religion … then i’d be in a straight jacket faster than you can say “psych ward”
stealth dawg
lol when I first heard the word “twitter” (as pertaining to the Internet) my thought was.. “That’s nice..the new drug of choice for social compulsion! lol
Let me put my past into a general perspective. I live over 30 miles away from that blood sucking cult, 40 miles away from my high school, and 500 miles + 18 years away from my childhood! lol I’m lucky enough to be alive with the life and people I know now.
Same here Dawg!
Good night SP 😉
Good night, RT30… See you tomorrow/today/tonight. lol
If I didn’t blow all my money in 1 hour and 12 minutes, I wouldn’t be on here. How else do people pass the time between paydays.
I think after today, I might go back to the mothership (not a euphemism for suicide). Stop hanging around here.
My brain is frazzled. There’s only so much you can do to pass the time in that condition. That’s what it’s about now because I’m not suicidal anymore. Passing the time.
Testing..testing.. 1 two thrice!! 😉
Yay!! I did it! lol 😀