Tonight, I just sat on my porch, drinking. I’m not hammered or drunk. I drank a beer or two. I stayed out there for an hour with my friend, and we just talked. We discussed my moving situation. I’m in my home town right now, visiting and figuring out whether I want to stay in St. Louis or move back here. She helped me decide that I’d stay in St. Louis until winter holiday, and then I’ll move back out here. I’m glad I finally made my decision.
She left at about nine, and I sat out by myself for another few hours. I just thought about stuff. I thought about how I really want to recover. It may not seem like it, but I do. I also thought about my future, which I hadn’t really done for a while, besides the whole moving thing.
The one thing I want in my life is to make an impression on the world. I’m not the kind of person who just wants the world to go away, I want to be recognized, I want to help people, or I just want to be noticed. I know it’s kind of selfish, but I want to leave my mark on this world. I don’t want to be like the majority of people in this world who fly under the radar because their scared of disappointment. I’ve learned to deal with it and I want to do something with my life. Most days, I feel like giving up, but I want to get away from those feelings. I want to be someone like Jack Barakat or even Lady Gaga. I know that sounds stupid, and yes, I want to be a music artist. But think about it, Lady Gaga is outrageous, but people still listen to her. And I know, people usually grow out of wanting to be something as cliche as a singer, but music is one of the only things that keeps me going during the day. I want to inspire people like Jack Barakat and Lady Gaga do. Again, I understand if you think I’m a loon now. I feel hopeless and I know I’ll never be as big as them, though.
I just want to break the cycle in my family. I want to be noticed. And I want to do something with my life. Â This is the first time in a long while that I’ve been inspired or motivated. I know that I’ll probably fail, and that I’ll get stuck as a unimportant nobody, but god dammit, I’m going to try.
no you’re not selfish.. may people are dream of being noticed you’re not stupid or silly too… me too im dreaming of being notice and leave mark in this world after i die i dont want to disappear just like the flower that die and nobody doesnt know it was there at all. my passion is acting but many people always underestimate about me working in show business. but you’re not alone im going to try anyway and make it big and just to show the world and the people who bullied me i can do something im not stupid and useless… let’s go through this wall together .. im glad that i know someone who has the same dream as me!!!! lets make it big!!! dont ever give up if lady gaga can, you can too!!!