I wrote a while ago about my friend with cancer. I said that she was a little better. I guess that was a few months ago.
She died yesterday. I have officially lost two of my best friends. And I know it won’t mean much to most people in the world, she wasn’t like Talia Castellano. Not everyone loved her, even though she was the nicest, and sweetest person ever. We used to read The Fault in our Stars together. She used to make me listen to One Direction. She would come to my boxing matches. I absolutely loved her.  I had hope though. They say that two of three people with cancer survive. She didn’t though. Why the fuck does this shit happen to me? I can’t handle it. Again, I’m the foolish girl who hoped for a miracle. I’m being so damn mellow dramatic, but I don’t give a fuck. I said that she was my deal breaker. If she survived, I was going to survive. If she died, I would die. I guess I know where that puts me.
11 comments
Please do not die.
If your friend was here, wouldn’t she want you to stay?
Please email me if you can.
brl.cents@gmail.com
@blindaudio well, she’s not here. I’ve been putting this off for too long anyway.
stay alive. the pain is unbearable. i can’t imagine losing one of my old best friends. even tho im not really in contact with them these days it would still wreck me. hold on.
@killswitchon I know it’s unbearable. I’ve lost two best friends. I just don’t see a reason to stay. I don’t have actual parents, and my friends hate me. I’ve lost passion for everything. Except food. If only I could eat all my feelings.
I’m not sure if I was joking or not in that last sentence.
@sleepless i eat my feelings all the time. dont know how i stay the same weight o_O but anyway that sucks you dont have actual parents. i feel passionless and dead right now too tho. all i do is eat and listen to music. just stick it out. its you in the ring with these horrible emotions. you just have to endure longer than they can and eventually they do go away. (:
I am sure those two best friends of yours would want you to continue living.
Live for them, live for their portions, you owe them that much. They wanted to live but life decide to take that away from them. You are lucky enough to be alive, and yet you want to throw that away. To me suicide, in a way, it’s a form of disrepecting people who want to live but are not lucky enough to.
You said your friends hate you. Then screw them, find other friends, there are tons of people out there who will appreciate you. By reading your post I am sure you are a sweet person, I am sure you will find friends who will appreciate you.
@killswitchon that’s exactly what I do! Music is pretty much the light of my life. Without Ben and Jerry’s and 30 Seconds to Mars, I would already be dead. I really wish I were kidding.
@initialize I’m sure there are people who would like me, but in my area, everyone knows who I am. It’s like how in school, there’s that girl with the reputation. I am trying to find friends, but it’s just really hard for me. While I know it’s my fault too, it’s extremely frustrating when people make prejudgments based off of stories.
I had a friend like that too,she would sing too and I was just happy to be around her,I didnt even care about guys
Sorry about your friend too:/