I started college this year. I finally thought I was getting better. I stopped hating the world around me, only to realize, I never hated the world. I hate myself, and nothing I seem to do makes that better. Everything I do just makes me hate myself even more. Only this time, there is no one but myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be anyone else, but I just can’t live being me. All I can do is put on a mask and look like the person everyone wants me to be, but how long can I hate myself before ending the one thing making me so miserable? Its starting all over again, only I cant bring myself to stop it or to care.
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We have to be realistic in this approach that in general you, I and everyone has nice things about them, abilities, flaws, and potential to a certain limit.
There are certain things about us that probably wont change much throughout our lives and cant be. Others however can be tweaked around gradually.. such as certain things about our personality. Which consists of the habits the subconscious part of the brain has formed, they are neuron pathways that the electrical signals usually take. However if we offer a different pathway and keep consciously retraining our brain to take the different path, that new path will be come stronger and whatever aspect of personality it may be, it will become the new ‘habit’. Science and people’s experiences have proven this.
Sorry if all that was technical.. just trying to say that MAYBE certain things you hate about yourself can be tweaked to a more desirable state.
And if I hate everything? I cant change everything, but I can’t love myself anymore, when all I see and feel is hatred. I can barely look in a mirror without being sick.